Buffy Big Brother Season 2
by Larbo
Summary: The sequel to Buffy Big Brother season 1. I think it's fair to say that while the first season was played mainly for laughs, the second particularly the final two days are a lot more dramatic in tone. Again, a collaborative effort!
1. Day 1

Buffy Big Brother

Season 2

Introduction

After the events detailed at the finale of Buffy Big Brother season 1, the remainder of the night was, for obvious reasons, highly upsetting and harrowing. As such, it gained record numbers of viewers.

The Master - whose death also caused his spiritual vessel, Luke, to instantly dust - was posthumously disqualified from the programme for associated misdemeanours, not least of which trying to kill all of the other contestants and bring about the complete destruction of the world.

Buffy was successfully revived via CPR by Xander, with Angel & Willow anxious onlookers. Giles and Buffy were so groggy when eventually roused from their respective slumbers that they thought Cordelia's revelation she was responsible for saving the world from the Master to be the first level of Hell. Cordelia's request to Big Brother that she exempted from eviction for this public service was denied.

Big Brother made assurances to the housemates that the Sanctuary spell could never again be circumvented. Furthermore, it was promised that anyone trying to subvert the rules of the house would be instantly evicted via a portal leading to an unspecified dimension of Hell. Possibly one containing shrimp. No specifics were given.

When things had finally settled to something approaching normality, the announcement was made - Harmony had been evicted from the Big Brother house by an overwhelming margin. Cordelia had been second in the votes, but since the Master had already gone, she was spared the axe (a fact which was revealed to her only as she lay sobbing on the living area floor).

And so the housemates enter their second week. In accordance with Buffy mythology, their personalities have been modified slightly to keep up with their season 2 identities. Our main character list:

Buffy: still trying to get over the harrowing showdown with the Master, but a little more sure of herself and her abilities, and with a growing attraction to Angel

Willow: forced to grow up sooner than she expected by the events of the previous week, beginning to dabble in amateur witchcraft

Xander: holding a candle (actually a blowtorch) for Buffy, but beginning to realise that trying to separate she and Angel is futile

Cordelia: only very slightly mellowed by her heroic deeds in defeating the Master (she won't be allowed to live down the highly public and embarrassing breakdown on cameras afterward when she thought she'd been evicted)

Angel: opening up a little about his past as the killer Angelus, developing a rivalry of sorts with Xander, and gaining the trust of the other Scoobies

Giles: forming a stronger bond with his young charges by the day, not so stuffy or rigid in his Watcher ways as he once was

With the departure of two housemates in Harmony and the Master, Big Brother has chosen to fill the gap they created with some _fairly_ famous figures from Season 2. Namely:

Spike & Drusilla: English vampire lovers, former members of Angel & Darla's terrible foursome of vampires which terrorised Europe over a century ago

And last, but certainly not least:

Oz: Schoolmate of the Scoobies at Sunnydale High, a quiet unassuming lad with a penchant for understatement, a crush on Willow, and an ever-so slight secret regarding the effect the Moon has upon him...

We rejoin our housemates on the morning of the beginning of Day 8, the second week of Big Brother, and the introductions to the new housemates are getting under way...

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 1 (morning)**_**_  
_**  
Xander rejoices in the departure of "pumpkin face", making it clear that a week spent in close proximity to a vampire was a week too long. Angel, seemingly sleeping, doesn't rise to the bait, not even when - Giles having escaped for a quiet cuppa in the garden - Xander forcibly shifts the Master's old bed (after giving it a thorough inspection for bloodstains; _after all_, he reasons, _vampires might have wet dreams too_...) next to his own, giving himself a makeshift double bed. Xander celebrates this new arrangement by plucking up the courage to ask Buffy out...----  
"Out?" Buffy blinked. "Out where?"  
Xander felt the elevator of his hopes begin to descend. "Not _out_ out," he hastily amended, "because of the whole house thing. Just out as in...me, you, not a whole lot of other people."  
"Oh," Buffy replied, sucking in a long breath through her cheeks, and accelerating the descent of his hopes with every second's hesitation.  
Xander grinned weakly. "I, uh, thought you'd like these."  
Buffy stared. "Blueberry muffins...Xander, how did you..."  
"Our food budget increase last week," he explained, the words tumbling out rapidly, lest he pause for breath and break the bubble, "I thought - hey, Buff's the Chosen One, she likes blueberry muffins, it's my duty as her...her muffin-gettin' guy to go do his job. And now I realise how incredibly stupid I sound, so if you'll just excuse me - gotta go, there's a space between a couple pillows with my name on it - "  
She caught his arm as he turned. "Xander," she said desperately. "Don't - "  
He turned, his eyes full of that hope again. Her words died. His did likewise. They locked eyes for a few long, long heartbeats. Finally he broke the spell, looking away and nodding.  
"Yeah," he said simply. "That's what I thought."  
She watched him retreat back to his room, her hand grasping something which, she realised dimly, was the forlorn shape of a blueberry muffin.  
"What's up with the Duke of Dork?" Cordelia asked. "He didn't even have time for a cutting riposte in the corridor when I asked him if the reason for his long face was the fact that Angel has a more fashionable reflection than he does."  
"Shut up, Cordelia," Buffy said harshly, sitting down heavily in an armchair, her brain already whirling as she tried to figure out the best way out of this emotional minefield.  
Cordelia fixed her with a look you could have shaved with. "You burst his lil' puppy bubble, eh?" she snorted. "You amaze me. Ability to kill the undead - _check_ - super speed, super strength - _check_ - power to notice when a guy's tripping over his tongue every time you do that snappy-head-hear-flick thing, of which I'm not at all envious? Damn, we forgot that one..."  
----Devastated, Xander returns to his room. Shortly thereafter Angel is abruptly roused from his morning slumber by the commencement of a country music pain fest coming from the other side of the bedroom. Caught between demanding an end to it and asking if he can do anything, he reconsiders when clocking the look on Xander's face when he takes one step toward him.  
Finding it hard to cope without her pet sycophant Harmony, Cordelia wanders the house bored, distributing acidic comments as she goes. Returning the girls bedroom, she brings everyone - except the (happily) oblivious Giles and the (morosely) oblivious Xander running with an ear-piercing scream. Her bed has been liberally sprinkled with chicken-type calling cards.  
Outside, Willow gives Mr Cluck some extra feed.  
Seconds later, when Cordelia storms out to the coop, murder in her eyes, she needs Buffy to help defend her beloved pet from the livid cheerleader. Buffy makes it clear that, should she find Mr Cluck has mysteriously become the world's first poultrygeist, the finger of blame will point expressly in one minutely manicured direction. ----  
"Who says ya can't train a chicken?" Willow chuckled, once Cordelia had gone. "Hey, where's Xander?"  
Buffy found something abruptly fascinating on the floor of the coop. "I think he's just resting up."  
There was a sigh from a few feet above. "He did it, didn't he."  
"Yeah," Buffy straightened up, careful to avoid the searching beak of Willow's farmyard maniac, which the other housemates had taken to calling "Attila the Hen". "Look Will, I'm sorry...I know how you..."  
"It's weird," Willow interrupted her, her eyes shining slightly. "He could never understand how you didn't know how he felt. _It's so obvious, Will. I make it so obvious_. And I'd agree. Boy, I was really in a position to, huh?"  
"I'm sorry."  
"I need a hug."  
Buffy started, then stopped. "Put At - Mr Cluck down, and you got it."  
They hugged. "Guys," Buffy said, in a who needs 'em way.  
"Yeah," Willow agreed, "not like one's just gonna turn up at the doorstep."  
"_Housemates – This is Big Brother. The new housemate Oz will be arriving in one hour. Two additional housemates Spike and Drusilla will join you this evening_."

In his room, Angel slept on, unaware of this announcement.

They separated. "See, that's another nice moment spoiled by one," Willow complained, a smile ghosting her lips. "I hate this Oz already."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 1 (afternoon) **_

"Warning. Incoming housemate. Please stay away from the portal area. Warning - "  
Assembled now for five minutes and counting, this continuous loop recording was starting to grate on the existing housemates' nerves. The round pulsing circle of white light in the centre of the living area went on merrily pulsing. They'd all arrived by the same method, seven days ago; the Big Brother house's borders were of the ethereal sort - there was nothing except a modest nine-foot wall around its perimeter, but beyond that...no-one could really focus beyond that. It wasn't something that anyone liked to discuss.  
"Do we actually know anything about this Oz?" Giles asked. "I wonder how exactly he fitted the criteria for a new housemate."  
"Screwed-up social life, that kinda thing?" Xander replied. He hadn't wanted to emerge from his cathartic coccoon yet, and it showed.  
"Speak for yourself, unrequited boy," Cordelia shot back instantly.  
There would probably have followed a long and drawn-out verbal war of attrition, if the portal hadn't suddenly deposited a young man in its epicentre. He blinked, twice, and patted himself in various places.  
"At least I'm not naked," he commented neutrally, glancing down at the fading white circle in which he'd landed.  
"We're all grateful for that," Cordelia smiled, her voice dripping with disappointment at this new offering.  
"Hey," Buffy offered, shooting Cordy a warning look. As she spoke there were echoes of her _hey_ and a smattering of welcoming nods from the other housemates. "Welcome to the house. It's Oz, right?"  
"It is," Oz affirmed, looking remarkably composed as he took in the various new people facing him. Willow seemed to hold his attention for longer than anyone else had. Confused, she sneaked a look behind her.  
"Hey, I've seen you around Sunnydale High," Xander spoke up, surprised. "You're with the band that plays at the Bronze, aren't you?"  
"_Band_ is a strong word for us," Oz replied. "But yeah."   
"How did you get here, Oz?" Giles asked.  
Oz considered this. As he did, his eyes flitted to Willow again. "Fast."   
Willow couldn't help but grin. It was a silly answer, but when Oz said it, it sounded sensible, perfect, apt. "Do you always talk like that?" she asked him reflexively, before anxiety caused to her add, "Not that I mind...I didn't mean to say that..."   
"It's OK," Oz assured her before she could try to sink any further into her armchair. "And pretty much."  
"I like it," Angel piped up.  
"You would," Xander and Cordelia said, in perfect unison. They exhanged disgust-filled looks at each other. Oz absorbed this.  
"Welcome to the house of fun," Buffy said.  
Oz sent another glance in Willow's direction. "I think I'm gonna like it here," he said.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day Unknown**_

"Where the bloody hell - " Spike whirled around. Or at least, he _tried_ to. He was dimly aware of some sort of physical reality around him, and his mind was active, as active as it had been only a few seconds ago when he'd been very definitely driving hell for leather to Sunnydale, CA. Now, abruptly, and with the cosmic equivalent of someone saying _yoink_! he'd been deposited here.  
"_Greetings_."  
Spike fought down the impulse to bite the source of the voice. Normally he wouldn't have attempted such a thing, but since it seemed to be coming from everywhere, it was a pretty pointless reflex. He did allow himself to vamp out, if to do nothing else than relieve some tension. With shock, he realised that he hadn't even felt himself vamp as he should have done.  
"Get on with it," he growled. "What am I doing here?"  
"_A proposal_."  
"Sorry," he replied, mentally taking out a cigarette and lighting it, "you're not my type."  
"_Listen carefully, Spike_," the voice continued as though he hadn't spoken, "_we realise you're not the most intellectual vampire the world has ever seen, but allow us to summarise your current situation: homeless, hunted, desperate, and carrying your practically disabled former lover around with you. Correct?_"  
Cold, hard anger burned within Spike at the casual nature with which Drusilla's health was discussed and dismissed. "Sod off," he snarled.  
"_We'll take that as agreement. How would you like to change all that?_"  
"Tell me who I'm dealing with," Spike replied, resenting the caution that was entering his tone. Robbed of his physical strength as he was, he had to rely on such things, but that didn't mean he had to _like_ them.  
"_Call us Big Brother_."  
He laughed out loud. "Call you what? Listen mate, I got places to go, people to eviscerate, towns to - " and that was as far as he got, before the pain ripped through him. Spike had, during his century plus of 'life', been subjected to more than his fair share of tortures, horrors he had endured with barely a groan. Now he roared in pain.  
"_Spike, we don't have time for your admittedly snappy dialogue exchanges. Here is what will happen - you, along with Drusilla, are about to enter a dimensional nullspace formulated to resemble..._" the voice trailed off, as if reconsidering its own words, before resuming, "_...that is to say, you're going for a holiday in a very special place with some humans and an old friend. You'll be unable to commit any acts of violence while there. If you manage to stay there for the next six weeks, your greatest desires will be made reality. Drusilla healed. Slayers at your feet. Unlimited credit at the dog track. A director's box at Old Trafford. Do you understand?_"  
Spike mulled it over. "Who's the old friend?" he asked.  
"_You'll find out._"

**_Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 1 (Evening) _**

Its been an eventful day in the Buffy Big Brother House - a new arrival - Oz, the "desecration" (in her own words comprising of another 3 hour rant to Big Brother) of Cordys bed with little packages of chicken poo, and the announcement of a further two arrivals due at any time. We find the housemates awaiting the new arrivals and speculating on what they'll be like.  
Cordelia of couse is hoping for a "tall, dark, handsome guy, with good fashion sense, the keys to his own Porsche and a very rich daddy thats about to go to the big stock market in the sky who just happens to have a weakness for a stunning, sophisticated and fashionally gifted cheerleader with the ability to make anything look amazing - even something from Sears" the latter was said with a disdainful look at yet another of Willows fashion miscreants of a yellow woolen cardigan, red pleated skirt and black and white striped tights.  
She is not so happy when Xander makes the retort of "Alternatively he could be looking for the poster child of Hookers R Us, in which case Cordy , You're a shoo in". Her inevitable barbed response is cut short as the portal in the centre of the living room dispatches two new housemates within the group.  
_Good Evening everyone, this is Big Brother - please join us in welcoming your new housemates... Spike and Drusilla_   
There is a mild uproar as Angel, Spike and Drusilla all take a look and recognise each other, Angel is visibly shocked, Spike is happy to see an old friends face and Drusilla starts to jump up and down - not unlike a ten year old who spots Britney Spears in the local branch of HMV.  
"Angelus... how the hell have you been, did they have to neuter you too with the sanctuary speel so you'd play nice with the other puppys in the pound. So what you been up to for the last 50 or 60 years are you still pulling all that I've got a soul crap so you can reel in all those little bits for you and Darla to play with"  
There is a worried expression on both Giles and Buffys faces as they realise the new housemates obiously know Angel, what this means at the moment is anybodys guess, further unsettling Buffy is the way Drusilla is looking at Angel, Buffy whispers to Giles that its "kind of like a member of overeaters anonymous who's had the luck of being placed in charge of the entire chocolate fudge cake section of the local bakery".  
_This is Big Brother - in recognition of the 3 new housemates arrival Big Brother has given you a budget of $100 dollars to spend on items with which to hold a welcoming party._   
Further uproar ensues as the housemates all start arguing on ways to spend the money, Giles, Angel and Spike immediately vie for Alcohol, Buffy, Willow and Xander go for the "sticky, sweet treats" and Drusilla and Cordy immediately start to wonder about clothing for the evening.  
Oz stays silent and watches the proceedings with a calm acceptance. Big Brother decides to involve him more and, in a flash of white light which momentarily stuns the room, a guitar is delivered. Oz - and, strangely, Willow - react with delight...  
-----------------

It is 9 in the evening. Spike, Cordelia and Drusilla are in the garden. The rest of the housemates are in the house.   
-------------------------------------------------------------------  
(Dru and Spike rub heads together like cats)

Drusilla: "I don't 'alf luv you Spoike"

Spike: "Of course you do love. We're gonna RULE this house!"

Dru: "ooh yesss. See that one over there? I think I shall feed from her first."

Spike: "I told you love. We can't drink the other house-mates. Wait till we're out of here."

Dru: "I'm tired Spike".

Cordelia reclines on a sun lounger, filing her nails in the glare of stadium bright garden lights.  
She cannot hear their conversation, but is unnerved by the way that Drusilla keeps looking at her. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------  
Meanwhile, Oz is exploring the house examining the quirky ornaments and speculating about their function with the help of Xander Harris.


	2. Day 2

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 2**_

The household slowly recovers from the night before. Buffy and co. have a renewed faith in the solidity of the revamped Sanctuary spell, after repeated attempts by an increasingly drunken Spike to circumvent it, ranging from the subtle ("...pass me the bottle opener, would you luv?") to the not-so subtle (trying to gut Giles with a buttered scone, before singing _Rule Britannia _and passing out).

Cordelia gains a new and rather unlikely companion in her "random" meetings in pursuit of Angel - the deranged vampire Drusilla. Forced to face reality, Cordelia is moved to finally resign herself to the fact that Angel is off-limits:

"One _semi_-fit guy in the entire house and he's caught between Therapy Barbie and Elvira's ugly sister!"

Drusilla clutched Madame Edith, her favourite porcelain doll, tightly to her chest. "Shouldn't say such things, my girl," she said softly, rocking back and forth where she stood, "Madame Edith gets upset to hear such nasty words, she does."

"You can tell that Chucky wannabe," Cordelia retorted, "that I could not, possibly, in the world, _ever_, care less what it thinks."

There was a _hiss_, and fingernails with razor-sharp points raced across Cordelia's neck, just far enough away so as not to trigger the Sanctuary spell. Drusilla's eyes blazed with sudden insane hatred. "You talks too much, my girl."

Cordelia, by now well used to these antics, never even flinched. "You wouldn't believe how often I get that."

"Something wrong, luv?" Spike inquired, appearing on the scene downing a glass of O Neg with an expression of extreme distaste.

Drusilla had changed again - now she sank to her knees, rocking Madame Edith, sobbing softly. "She says such bad things, Spike. Such wicked, naughty things. Bite her, Spikey. Bite her for mummy."

"Now now, Dru - you know the rules. We play nice-nice with these filthy animals for a while and then we get ourselves a nice little massacre in the country. Just you and me, you'll see," he soothed her, kissing her forehead softly.

Cordelia fought down nausea. "I thought I'd seen all the sickening vampires to last me a lifetime," she declared, "but you two - _ergh._ At least The Master just wanted us all brutally killed. He never _spooned _with anyone, least of all Drag Queen Victoria here. Act your age...act your _era_."

Spike's jaw set, his mouth thinning dangerously. Fairly nailing Cordelia to the wall with a stare of blatant, murderous, intent, he growled, "You _do _talk too much, Miss Maybelline. You're not even the sodding Slayer - what the hell gives _you _the right to talk to us like that?"

Cordelia beamed. "Why don't you ask the Master?" she trilled.

----

"Can I come in?"

Angel paused to thumb down the page on the book he was reading, wishing he could thumb down the surge of emotion that voice sent through him. "Sure."

Buffy entered the bedroom hesitantly. "I wasn't sure if you'd be sleeping or not, but I caught Giles on the way to one of his patented muffin mornings in the garden..." she trailed off, sitting lightly on Giles' bed.

Angel had expecting the trail off. Now he sat back and waited to see if his second prediction would be correct.

"You know them?"

_Two out of two. _"Angelus knew them."

"And you're not Angelus?"

"If you thought I was, would you be sitting there talking to me now?"

Buffy hesitated. "There's a Sanctuary spell," she replied, "so even if I did, Angelus couldn't hurt me."

"Yes he could, Buffy." There was not a single trace of lightness in Angel's tone. "You don't know what he's capable of. He knows what I know, and in his own, perverted, sick way, he feels what I feel. You would never be safe if he were here. Thankfully - "

"What you feel?"

Ouch. He hadn't predicted _that_ one. Angel faced her honest, appraising stare and, to his amazement, found himself inwardly afraid. She had so much wisdom beyond her years, and yet in so many ways she -

"I'm not a child, Angel," Buffy said hotly. "Whatever you want to tell me, just tell me, and let's be done with it."

_For Gods sake, just tell me_, Buffy thought. _Say it, just tell me everything and don't hold back or I'll break your admittedly sexy neck for you. Damn it, just do it, and when it's done, even if it's not what I want to be told, I can move on, I can deal...or at least, I can pretend to deal..._

He didn't tell her.

He showed her.

"...but I got it back - well, most of it!"

Willow retreated back into her safe verbal place, and waited for Oz to adopt that ever-so-slightly puzzled expression that everyone new she talked to - and these were rare enough - seemed to adopt, as they struggled mightily to interpret what Radio Willow had just broadcast. Buffy was her best friend, but even she sometimes bore the quirked eyebrow scar of a conversation with Willow.

"You have the nicest way of looking at things," Oz said. "I like it."

Willow gaped for fully four seconds.

When this gaping period was over, she abruptly realised what she'd just done, came to her senses and attempted to cover by taking a sudden and enthusiastic interest in the view out of the living area bay window. Unfortunately for Willow, her legs seemed still to be stuck somewhere around _nicest way of looking..._

Oz didn't quite catch her before she fell. It was a close thing, though. His eyes, so usually placid, were full of pointed concern for her. "You OK, Willow?"

"Fine and dandy," she chimed back dazedly, sitting back down on the sofa again, his hands guiding her, "must be all those pesky legs of mine getting mixed up again...bad legs. Things were so much simpler when we all had tails, dontcha think?"

Oz smiled. "I bet you'd have had a cute tail."

"See you're not helping me balance here," Willow explained, exasperated. "Stop it, please."

"Stop telling you what I see?" Oz said, and now he _did _have that puzzled expression, and Willow discovered that it afforded her no comfort at all.

"I know what you see," she told him.

"I don't think you do," he replied. Damn him, was he always this languid? "I think I need to show you."

Suddenly on the verge of tears, Willow shook her head. "I don't need shown. I've always known what you - what Xa...what _everyone _sees, OK? So just don't show me."

So he didn't show her.

He told her.

----

"Another muffin, Xander?" Giles said pleasantly.

"_God_ I hate my life," Xander replied.

Giles: "Really?"  
Big Brother: "Would Giles come to the diary room"  
(Giles duly gets up and is shortly plonked down on the outsized blue designer chair, still munching).

(Sexy voiced female ) BB: "Hello Giles"

Giles: "Hello Big Brother, or should I say big sister?"

BB: You seem to be in good spirits Giles. How are you this week?"

Giles: "I"ve discovered American undercooked biscuits and over-chocolatey muffins: I couldn't be happier. The Directors helped a lot too."

BB: "You mean the floor manager?"

Giles: "No, I mean the Directors" (Waves a bottle)

BB: "How do you think the new housemates are settling in?"

Giles: "Well it was a very stupid decision to bring in yet more vampires after the trouble we had before. William the Bloody is infamous and his companion seemes to be dangerous and unstable. I suppose you want to increase the viewing figures. Still, it was quite amusing watching Spike's pathetic attempts to attack me"

BB: "Big Brother is glad you aren't hurt."

Giles: "Yes, well you'd have to get up pretty early int he morning to catch me out."

BB: "Are you pleased about the guitar?"

Giles: "The others don't need to know I play. Their generation doesn't listen to real music anymore. They'd only mock me"

Giles: "Is that all?"

BB: Yes. Thank you Giles"

(Cuts away to Giles lounging in the living room, checking to see no one is listening)

(Sings to himself) "You don't know just what I mean, you could be a beauty queen"

Spike: Did you say something Giles?"

Giles: Err. No. Nothing!


	3. Day 3

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 3 (morning)**_

The housemates are settling into a routine whilst in the Big Brother House, Buffy and Giles are training outside in the garden, Cordelia is on a sun lounger topping up her tan and dreaming of her eventual global domination, Willow and Xander are feeding the chickens whilst trying to avoid the attentions of the now notorious "Mr Cluck" alternatively know by the name Chicken Psycho by the rest of the housemates. Spike and Drusilla have retired to a special private bedroom that Big Brother has been forced to give them after numerous complaints from the other housemates regarding as Giles put it "Public displays of affection that are possibly only fit to be screened on late night cable not a reality tv show". He is not impressed when Xander asks him if he's missing his cable subscription to "Bountiful British Booty" whilst in the house. Angel and Oz are in the living room having as lively a conversation as possible given their natural taciturn states and trying to avoid mention of the noises eminating from Spike and Drusillas bedroom.

"So…. Oz, what type of music does your band play?" Angel asks.

"Well 'play and music' are kind of loose terms for us, between us we only know 4 _maybe_ 5 chords."

Angel thinks about this for a moment and says hopefully "Right….. so do you know any Barry Manilow songs?"

Before he can reply Oz is called into the Diary Room for a chat with Big Brother.

_Hello Oz, how're you feeling about your time so far in the Big Brother House?_

"Its OK I guess, not too sure about the vampires and all – cause y'know potential for bloodloss there."

_What do you think of your housemates so far, is there anyone you're getting on with well?_

"I like Willow, she's kinda sweet and shy, then again sometimes she's y'know… Willow."

_And your other housemates, how are you finding them?_

"They're ok I guess" 

_Is there anything else that Big Brother can do for you Oz?_

"Well, actually… it's kinda silly, but just before I came into the house I was playing with my little cousin Jordy and he bit me, doesn't seem to be healing and it feels all….. itchy."

_Don't concern yourself with it Oz - it's probably nothing._

_Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 3 (afternoon)_

Cordy: "Xander, can I borrow your jacket, it's kind of chilly out here in the garden."  
Xander: "What happened to yours?"  
Cordy: "You're looking very... very... tall this evening"  
Xander: "Oh really? and I suppose you think my vote can be bought?"  
Cordy: "Two days supply of sickly fattening cakes, sweets and biscuits?"  
Cordy: '...and ooky sugar drenched breakfast cereals?  
Xander "You've got yourself a deal."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 3 (evening)**_

Cordelia is called into the Diary Room by Big Brother

_Hello Cordelia_

"Hi Big Brother, you're sounding amazingly good this evening"

_Ummmm right...Cordelia, you are aware that Big Brother are able to see and hear everything that goes on within the house and grounds?_

"Sure, thats why I _always_ make sure I look my absolute best, hey I can't disappoint my legions of devoted fans can I, it's my _duty_ to be as good as only I can be, you know for the sake of all the little people out there who're poor or ugly or y'know... like Willow" (she pulls a disgusted face towards the huge mirror and the cameras behind it) "people expect so much more of you when you're beautiful you know... it's kinda hard on me"

_I'm sure it is Cordelia... anyhow as we said, you are aware that Big Brother can see and hear everything that goes on between the housemates_

"Aha... so you'll be soundproofing the Billy Idol wannabe and his Ladyfreaks bedroom then.. whew cause that was getting really annoying not to mention gross and disturbing on a national scale".

_No, Cordelia were you attempting to sway Xanders vote for the upcoming nominations using bribery and a not unimpressive amount of cleavage in the garden earlier?_

"Ummm... (she smiles brightly) No"?

_Right, Cordelia Big Brother is giving you an official warning. Any attempts to buy or sway others votes will be seen as a direct contravention of the Rules and you will be evicted from the house as we see fit... you have seen the portal that goes to an unspecified dimension of hell, haven't you?_

"Yes" (shamefaced and sulky) "Sorry Big Brother"

_Thank you Cordelia, you may leave the Diary Room_

She is called back into the Diary Room shortly thereafter when having again found evidence of Mr Cluck (this time in her Prada backback), threatens Willow with the imminent dismemberment of FrankenBarbie down the kitchen waste disposal shoot.

We later see Willow and Oz giving Mr Cluck extra helpings of Chicken feed and congratulating him on a job well done.


	4. Day 4

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 4 (morning)**_

Xander's eyes opened reluctantly. He moaned, grunted, stretched, scratched (consciously this time), yawned, and finally felt able to sit up in bed and take in his surroundings. Life in the Big Brother house had started out well - he'd viewed it as a chance to get close to Buffy, blow off Sunnydale High for a while (Xander had been surprised when told that other schools _didn't_ sit on the mouths of Hell) and generally just hang out with not much to do.  
Of course, that had been before his grand plans had been hijacked by the pulse-impaired mob. First the Master last week, who'd scared him half to death, given him a massive bruise, but most heinously of all had granted Cordelia some actual basis on which to base her air of superiority. Then Spike and Drusilla..._ergh_. The rotting Romeo and Juliet had really gotten on his pectorals since their arrival in the house. Plus -you'd think two people who had spent centuries being English could have developed a more convincing accent.  
But most of all, chief saboteur of Xander Harris' plan for happiness, was -  
"_What time tonight_?"   
The familiar voice drifted through from the wall outside. Xander felt every syllable twang a separate heartstring; but this would never be a tune he would get to play on his own instrument...   
"_Usual. If you're not too busy, that is_."   
He could hear her smile, hear her eyes twinkle. "_Could happen. You know, given the right circumstances_."   
"_Such as...?_"   
"_Satan getting a part-time job as a snowplough driver in Hell, that kinda thing_."   
There was a pause. It wasn't an awkward silence pause. Xander knew very well what was filling that heartbeat. He thumped his pillow.  
"Whaaasa?" Giles mumbled.  
"Shut it, Captain Bookworm," Xander muttered back. Giles was a truly astonishing sleeper. Right now he was spreadeagled diagonally across his meagre single bed, like someone trying to make a snow angel out of duvet. During the night he would hold entire conversations with unseen others, from his superiors at the Watchers Council ("no, Mr Travers, frankly put you can kiss _my_ arse") to an unseen audience ("this song is from my third hit album, _We Who Watch_").   
The bedroom door opened. Angel stepped in, casting a cursory glance at his two roommates before making his way over to his own bed. Xander stole a glance at his watch. It was 5.34am. Just before sunrise. They'd _probably_ been out in the garden most of the night. _Probably_ just watching the stars. _Probably_ nothing had even happened.  
"This really is lovely tea, Mrs. Wyndham-Price," Giles blathered.  
Angel grinned at this. Xander caught the grin out of the corner of his supposedly-sleeping eye. He glowered fiercely in the vampire's direction. Well, that settled it. All the _probably_ in the world couldn't hide the fact that it would normally take nothing short of a blowtorch to make Angel produce a smile, and here he was grinning away like a moron, like the cat who got the Buffy-flavoured cre-  
"Morning Xander," Angel offered casually.  
"I'm sleeping, do you mind?"  
"Sorry."   
"Trying to keep my strength up. Gonna go out and get some _sun_ later."  
"Really," Angel replied neutrally, settling in to his own perfectly-made bed. "Well, tell Buffy I said hi."  
"I hate you. I hope you know that."   
"Gee, like it's not obvious."  
"I'm glad it is."  
"Pass the biscuits please."  
"You're going to let her down, Angel. And when you do, I'm going to be there for her."  
"Well what can I say? Must be great for her to have a _friend_ like you."  
Things happened very quickly after that. Xander was up and out of his bed in a flash, eyes flashing venom, arms raised, his brain caught between a desire to pound Angel's face and the sneaking realisation that he was very probably about to die. Angel, his reactions typically enhanced, was more than ready to meet the charge, rising to meet the teen from the opposite direction.  
And in the middle, suddenly no longer concerned with tea or biscuits, was Giles, his arms outstretched. He grabbed the two men by the scruff of the neck and accelerated their impetus into one another -  
- there was a single white flash and a _whoomph_ noise -  
- and Giles was standing alone, regarding the prone, unconscious bodies of Xander and Angel.  
"_That's_ for Captain Bookworm," he told Xander, and wandered off to fix himself breakfast.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 4 (afternoon)**_

"What's up with Giles?" Willow whispered to Buffy. "He's seems... _different_ today. All burly and 'me-big-librarian, crush you good!' which is kinda odd, 'cos you know, librarians, not renowned for their troll-like qualities."

Buffy's quizzical frown was down to a minimum. She nodded in assent. "I think maybe the Sanctuary spell is letting him be the big dog. Something tells me that the boys room is getting interesting."

"Not that we'd be at all interested in the boys room," Willow countered, all but drawing a golden halo over her head.

"Boys," Buffy curled her lip in apparent disgust, "_ick_."

Willow protuded her tongue a fraction from between her teeth, a sure sign that she was happy. Buffy was glad to see her friend's mood improving vastly over the coccoon-like state she'd sometimes slipped into the previous week, and she had a sneaking suspicion that she knew preciely what, or who, was most responsible...

"So - Oz."

Willow bit her tongue. "Omf?"

"Or Omf, if you prefer," Buffy allowed graciously. "Tell me all, Willow Rosenberg, and don't spare the details or it'll go the worse for you."

She expected Willow to curl up into a small, horrified ball. Instead, all she got was a measuring gaze. "And in return for my confessionage?"

"In return?"

"I want full disclosure on you and Angel's little night meets."

"Half disclosure," Buffy stated firmly, her eyes twinkling merrily. "I don't want your ears to melt...and I'm sure Oz doesn't, either."

----

Cordelia cast a disgusted look at the giggling pair of Willow and Buffy. She was glad, however, that no-one was around to gauge the amount of genuine venom behind it; they would have noted that the Ice Queen seemed to be having difficulty keeping her temperatures as low as normal.

The truth was, Cordelia was lonely. Having Harmony in the Big Brother house had given her some sense of security that the old world order was still going strong - namely, Cordy at the top and Cordy-wannabes all the way down to the nerds and the nobodies. Harmony's eviction had reinforced this. But with her gone, who was there to chime in with unthinking agreeement at appropriate moments? Who could she count on to look _almost _as good as she did, thereby keeping her sharp and ahead of the pack? Certainly not the Nearly New Gang.

It was more than that, though. Being alone these past few days had shocked Cordelia in a way she'd never expected. Not because it had felt isolated and lonely, but because it had felt _familiar. _She realised now, more than she had ever suspected, that even with Harmony and her lesser lackeys around, even with her saccharine-saturated sychophants, she had been alone. Watching Buffy and Willow giggle now, she felt a pang of envy which almost made her howl in shame. If only someone would reach out to her, give her a chance, an opportunity to end the friendless, empty existence -

"Hey Cordelia," Xander said.

"Crawl away and die somewhere."

"Why don't I borrow your broomstick and I could fly there?"

"Anything that gets you out of here faster."

"This coming from the girl who wants my vote?"

"Big Brother had something to say about that."

"No sticky treats..." Xander made a face, then cheered up, "...on the other hand, no you. Every sugarfree cloud has a bitchfree lining."

"You can just f-"

"_Xander...Cordelia...please attend the Diary Room._"

The announcement brought everyone up short. Until then, everyone had been called to the Diary Room individually - with the exception of Willow, who had yet to be called at all.

"Do I _have _to share a room with him?"

"What she said, except with _dimension_ in there."

"_Yes. You do. Anything else would be a violation of the rules, and you don't want that..._"

With that, the entrance portal spot activated. What appeared there, however, was not the fairly placid pulsing white gateway through which they'd all been deposited. Instead, this new portal was black, veined through with crimson red. Flames licked hungrily around its circumference.

"It's pretty, Spike! It's pretty! Oh I want to go - please say we can!" Drusilla squealed in delight, clapping her hands together.

Spike, wearing a more cautious expression, placed his hand on her shoulder in a quiet restraining movement. "Let's not be hasty, luv. Hell's a nice place to visit but I wouldn't wanna live there, and that thing looks pretty bloody one-way to me."

Cordelia turned to Xander. "What do you know," she beamed, as the gaping maw of the hell dimension imploded on itself, "someone found the one thing it would take to get me alone with you, Xander Harris."

"Funny," Xander mused "I thought it was a portal to hell, not twenty bucks."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 4 (pre-nominations)**_

There was precisely one chair in the Diary Room. It was big enough for precisely one person. Xander and Cordelia stood in silence for a moment regarding it. All that was missing was a piece of tumbleweed cliché-ing past.  
Xander inclined his head. Cordelia examined the gesture for sarcasm, found none, and (after a moment's judicious hesitation) sat herself down on the chair, trying to keep her surprise from showing. It was an uncharacteristically chivalrous gesture from Harris, and one that threw her off guard slightly. But then, she reflected uncomfortably, she didn't really _know_ Xander well enough to be certain if it was uncharacteristic. Maybe -   
"Move over," Xander grunted, shunting her across the seat's surface. They teetered on the edge of balance for a second. Cordelia felt the cold hard edge of familiarity again - she just wished it wasn't pressing painfully into her calves.  
"There are things," Cordelia declared, as they shifted for pole position, "that live on the _backs_ of ticks that I rank higher in God's great chain than you, Xander."   
"Coming from someone who might make a living someday on her own back, I take that as a complimentt_ttoowwwww_," he trailed off, rubbing the spot on his forearm where she'd just smacked him.  
"_Xander, Cordelia?_"   
"What?" they chorused, slightly annoyed at being interrupted.  
"_You've both been called in here to discuss your socialisation with the housemates_."   
"Which housemates in particular would this be?" Xander shot back, feeling like he'd had enough. "The bloodsucking fiend from hell - no offence, Cordy - or his lil' corpse of necro-bumpy-and-grindy? Or forehead-umbrella guy?"  
"_We assume you mean Spike, Drusilla, and Angel. And if you think this refers to them, it doesn't. We didn't expect you to socialise with them, Xander. But the isolation from your friends is becoming a worry_."   
"Aww, did you get nominated for eviction from Super Friends?" Cordelia cooed in mock sympathy. "Who are you going to talk about the changing face of loserdom in today's world with now?"  
"_Cordelia, you're in no position to lecture. Your warning for vote-tampering yesterday was, quite frankly, the icing on the cake._"   
"What do you care?" Cordelia replied acidly. "As long as the public love me; and, if they have minds and aren't _complete_ morons - no offence, Xander - they surely do, I don't have to explain my actions to you."  
"Me neither," Xander echoed. "I haven't broken any of your rules, so don't threaten me with that portal crap."  
"_Do not presume to dictate to Big Brother_."   
Cordelia stood, flicking her hair in a gobsmackingly regal fashion and almost tipping Xander off balance. Her every syllable dripped authority. "You listen to me," she hissed, "you may be Big Brother, but I am _Bigger_ Sister. I am _Cordelia_ _Chase_. If I sound superior when I say that, it's because I have _damn_ good reason to. Look at me, Ms Disembodied Voice. Look at these breasts...these legs...this hair. I was _born_ to dictate. It's not just my role, it's my _duty_."   
Face flushed, speech concluded, she waited for the response. It never came. Cordelia numbly unclenched the fists she hadn't realised she had made.  
"I think you broke it," Xander said. His voice sounded a little strange.  
"It needed said," Cordelia said simply. "Now get up and let me out of this grotty little broom cupboard."  
A momentary flash of anxiety flitted across Xander's features. "Um, I'll be out in a second," he said. "You go on ahead."  
Cordelia shrugged and stepped over him, her blood still roaring in her veins from the euphoria of her speech. It must have thrown her co-ordination off slightly; her heel caught a looping metal armrest and suddenly she was sprawling forward, headfirst -  
Arms were around her. Xander's arms. He plucked her from inches above the suspiciously-thin looking carpeting and set her back on her feet again. Her brain eventually managed to tell her that she was thoroughly repulsed by this much physical contact with Harris. Absolutely thoroughly repulsed. Totally.  
"Enjoy your little grope?" she tossed at him. It was a weak jibe, but it was all her bitch-mechanisms could produce at the moment. She was trying not to dwell on how surprisingly strong his grip had been, or the ease with which he'd deposited her right-way-up again. She was _especially_ not thinking about how she'd suddenly discovered the real reason Xander had been reluctant to stand up.  
"Even in my life, it didn't rank as a highlight," he retorted. For his part, Xander was positively nowhere _near_ reminiscing about how lithe she'd been in his arms. The trouble had started when she'd demanded Big Brother take a look at her breasts. _For Gods sake_, he'd practically cried out, _I'm seventeen. You can't give me a legitimate excuse like that, you bastards_.   
In short, they were never ever going to come together into a deep and passionate kiss.  
Nor were they about to discover how impractical the Diary Room chair _really_ was for comfortable two-person seating...

_**Buffy Big Brother - Day 4 - (Nominations)**_

Its been an eventful day in the house, possibly due to a high percentage of adolescent hormonal lust running through the majority of the housemates. Xander and Cordelia have returned from the Diary Room, both are quieter, less sarcastcic and more reflective than usual. Buffy and Angel are spending time together in the Girls Bedroom where again talking isn't being given exactly a high priority and Willow and Oz are out in the Garden feeding the chickens, whilst Oz tries in vain to evade the attentions of the psychotic Mr Cluck, who seems to have taken an intense dislike to him and is chasing him gleefully around the chicken pen trying to peck his ankles, much to Willows distress who had "just wanted the two guys in my life to get along."

Spike and Giles are in the kitchen trying to make something that according to Giles "is at least edible and by compromise that has neither blood nor weetabix in it." Drusilla is standing in front of one of the many Big Brother cameras in the hallway holding Miss Edith - who for the occasion has been given a new dress and blindfold - and is gently swaying in a semi-hypnotic fashion "look Miss Edith, they're all watching us now, all the little boys and girls, (giggles madly to herself) see we have to behave in the proper manner for young ladies or else we won't get any supper or be able to gouge out their little television watching eyes" she is interrupted, (much to the delight of the disconcerted Big Brother team behind the cameras), by an announcement to the housemates.

_This is Big Brother - It is now time for your weekly nominations, all please assemble in the Living Room and await your call to the Diary Room._

The housemates all assemble obediently in the Living Room, Giles mentions that "Big Brother has a decidedly feminine voice and quite a nice one too," Spike overhears him and snidely retorts that "as a Libararian, Watcher and quite possibly the most boring git i've had the misfortune to be stuck with for the past century, it's the closest you may get to a meaningful relationship, (he contemplates this for a moment), other than your right hand of course." The housemates learn that the sanctuary spell stops not only physical violence from individual housemates, it also has the power to stop an extremely heavy book hitting its target when thrown by an incredibly p'd off watcher at a certain smirking bleach blond vampire.

_Now now housemates, Big Brother would like to remind you all to play nicely with each other, as you are all aware this week we've brought in our own portal to hell, and we're not afraid to use it. Now Angel, please come to the Diary Room._

Angel enters the Diary Room and sits down into the chair only to find that it's broken and listing to one side. Big Brother assures him the the chair will be either fixed or replaced at the earliest convenience. When asked for this weeks nominations he has no hesitation in nominating Drusilla and Spike for eviction, when asked for his reasons he states that "Spike is just an Angelus wannabe with delusions of grandeur and none the style," when asked for his reason for nominating Drusilla he replies simply "Guilt, I did that to her, I took away everything she had, drove her mad then turned her so she could live forever in that insanity and I did it all for my own pleasure - I can't see her everyday and not feel the pain of doing that to her... plus the doll's kinda creepy too, feels like its watching me."

_Thank you Angel, you may leave the Diary Room_.

One by one they all enter the Diary Room to give their nominations. Buffy also nominates Spike and Drusilla citing her reasons as "They're like Eddie and Mayilyn Munsters inbred kids, plus I keep having this urge to stake them everytime they go into their bedroom... must be a slayer thing... right, 'cause its not like _I'd_ be jealous of Elviras insane older sister and her Billy Idol wannabe boyfang?"

The rest of the housemates also nominate Spike and Drusilla for eviction as none of them feel comfortable with the vampire couples presence in the house, especially as it "worked out so well last week when The Master went 'fruit de loop' and tried to massacre the entire house" Giles points out. Miss Edith is also given as a reason on a number of occasions and even Willow who owns and loves the mangled FrankenBarbie remarks on the creepiness of the blindfolded porcelain doll.

Drusilla refuses to go into the Diary Room without Spike and despite threats from Big Brother is finally allowed to make her nominations with Spike comfortingly draped over her, she nominates Buffy first as "She's taken my darling boy away from me and now Daddy doesn't want to play in the shadows anymore, he's no fun, no teeth, no Grrrr, he's like a big soft puppy and he's on the Slayers leash." Her second nomination is for Giles "He's a Watcher they're all the same, all stuffy and musty and dusty, they all leave a nasty taste in my mouth.. of words and ink that gets stuck between my teeth."

Big Brother thanks Drusilla for her nominations and asks Spike if he'd like to make his, he nominates as Drusilla did - when asked for reasons he replies "Hey Cutie _I'm _the Big Bad here, I answer to no-one and my reasons are my own," (he looks at Drusilla who is again swaying to music that only she can hear and scraping her black and white nails down a mirror in which neither vampire has a reflection), "besides what my baby wants she gets, ok? and if it makes her happy I'll damn well do everything in my power to make sure it happens!"

_Big Brother thanks you for your nominations you two may now leave the Diary Room._

Spike and Dru return to the Living Room to await the results of the nominations. After a few minutes of waiting Big Brother, (again in a feminine voice that Giles is pleasantly attracted to), makes the announcement.

_This is Big Brother - the nominations have been counted and the housemates up for eviction this week are as follows... Drusilla and Spike._

The housemates are on the whole unsuprised to hear this with of course the exception of Spike and Drusilla who don't exactly react with good sportsmanship.

"Bloody Gits" from a disgruntled Spike. A high pitched hum followed by wailing is all that can be heard from Drusilla

Whilst the housemates are still assembled Big Brother makes another announcement.

_As it's Buffys 17th Birthday tomorrow, you are all invited to a party in the evening to celebrate, it will start at 7pm. Big Brother will make arrangements for appropriate refreshments to be made available._

"Wow, thanks Big Brother" Buffy is visibly happy at the thought of a birthday bash, the rest of the housemates disperse to other areas of the house to discuss the upcoming party, evictions and in Cordelias case "Fashion options that won't be wasted on the undeserving of the house."

The house is again quiet for the moment as the various groups go about their business but as usual in Big Brother land it never stays that way for long, the nominations are done and this week it's Drusilla and Spike up for eviction, who stays... who goes... you decide!!


	5. Day 5

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 5 (Buffy's Birthday - morning)**_

Morning crept over the Big Brother house stealthily, so as not to startle anyone therein. It washed over the recumbent form of Giles, peacefully snoozing in his nightshirt (Xander had expressed surprise that he didn't own a tweed gown), over Xander too, who was far from peaceful in his slumber, tossing and turning as if some great internal dilemma was raging within him (actually he was just dreaming about a man quite intent on offering him cheese, but nonetheless an internal struggle _was _raging).

Morning may well have dawned inside Spike & Drusilla's blacked-out room. Frankly no-one was prepared to go in and find out, Sanctuary spell or not. Mercifully the soundproofing spell Big Brother had cast two days previously had greatly improved the amount of sleep had by everyone else, even if Xander had still lain awake at times trying precisely to decipher each individual squeal, moan and downright howl. In fact it was on the top of a few of their minds to inquire of Big Brother how exactly the Sanctuary spell had yet permitted Spike & Dru to engage in their...standard...form of togetherness.

Willow was awake to experience morning. She and Oz had shared a jamming session last night which, despite Buffy's suggestive sniggering, was entirely musically-based. Willow had insisted upon marking the occasion by opening up Giles' two largest pots of blackberry jam, thinking this to be somehow traditional. Giles, unavailable in the Diary Room (yet again) chatting to the female voice of Big Brother, had yet to discover this. It wasn't worry that had Willow awake though; she was simply gazing out at nothing much, her head a helpless swirl of emotions.

For so long, for forever, she'd held Xander up on a plinth all his own. And now, somehow, she was on a plinth herself, one so high she'd have to look down to see Cloud Nine...and Xander was nowhere to be seen. It was thrilling and confusing, and she needed processing time. After all, no-one knew why Oz had been brought into the house. He was a complete stranger to most of them, and only a passing nod of Xander's. _Did they bring him in for me? _she wondered. _Because Buffy has Angel...and Drusilla has Spike...and even Mr Jam has that sultry-voiced vixen._

_So who do Xander and Cordelia have?_

Outside, in the back garden, Buffy and Angel watched the first morning rays slink across the greenery. The sky above was a breathtaking car-wreck of reds and yellows.

"Beats graveyards." Buffy observed, even as she and Angel took an almost unconscious step back, into the safety of the shade of the porch.

"Happy Birthday," Angel told her. His hand, already safely in hers, squeezed her fingers together.

"Seems like only last week I was sixteen," Buffy said reflectively. There was a second's pause as they mulled over this.

"_Angel, please come to the Diary Room_._" _came the call from Big Brother, with incredibly good timing.

They exchanged a soulful look. It was their speciality. Hardly a look went past now between them that wasn't soulful. Every syllable of conversation between them, although still at times free-flowing and sparkling, dripped with masked tension.

"I should go-"

"Yeah. Besides, I need some sleep. Gotta be fresh for my adoring public later."

"It should be a big night," Angel nodded.

Buffy added another notch to the soulful-o-meter. "I hope so."

----

"_Good morning, Angel_."

Angel noted silently that it was Giles' chat friend whose voice he heard. Though the Watcher was striking up a rapport with this woman (enough of a rapport to set the teenage rumour machine inside the house into overdrive) Angel couldn't shake the odd feeling that the voice contained a rasp of hostility when addressing him. "Morning," he replied.

"_Big Brother needs to discuss Buffy's birthday arrangements tonight._"

"Okay."

"_We'd prefer it if you didn't attend._"

That one brought him up short. "Why?"

"_We've noticed friction between you and Buffy's friends. We don't want her to be unhappy at her birthday party. So we'd prefer it if you stayed away._"

Angel considered it for a moment. "No," he said simply.

He waited for the increasingly inevitable portal-related threat. None came. "_Fine. Party supplies will begin arriving at 7pm through the usual methods. Try to keep the kids off the booze. And tell Giles I - Big Brother_," the voice hurriedly corrected, "_need to talk to him about...arrangements too. That's all_."

"I have a request," Angel said, and had the satisfaction of knowing that this time he had sprung the surprise.

"_Yes?_"

"Regarding her birthday supplies," he went on, leaning forward in the chair, "I want you to add one more item to the list..."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 5 (Buffy's Birthday - afternoon)**_

Willow liked noon. Though spells of all kinds were zipping around the Big Brother house (and, she reminded herself again, she really _would _have to get around to broaching the subject of investigating those spells with Giles some time soon) she was still far from comfortable around Spike and Drusilla. Those two didn't exactly go out of their way to inspire inclusivity; Big Brother had issued a warning only last night to Spike that planning the elaborately slow deaths of his fellow housemates did not qualify as "polite group discussion".

As for Drusilla...Willow shuddered. Sure vampires were soulless monsters (Angel excepted, he was a big ole sweetie really) but she'd never met an _insane _one before. It was an unexpected extra perversion and one that served to thoroughly unnerve all who spent more than a few seconds in Drusilla's company. Plus, Willow was _sure _that Miss Edith had nefarious plans for FrankenBarbie.

She set her jaw and gazed out at the weird, not-quite-real landscape outside the Big Brother perimeter. Sure, last week she may have been a bit of a wet lettuce - _oh who am I kidding, I was wetter than a mermaid's showercap _- but this week she was going to stand up for herself. In fact, even if the Sanctuary spell didn't guarantee protection, she would _still _have thought these thoughts about Drusilla. From a long way away, obviously, but they would have been thought with _such _venom.

"Whoa," Xander whistled. "I haven't seen resolve face in a long time. What's up, Will?"

Willow rather spoiled her tough-girl new look by almost falling off the garden wall. She hadn't heard Xander approach. Truth be told, she was surprised to see him at all - these past couple of days he'd retreated more and more into himself and _oh my God, I'm just noticing this now?_

"Xander!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with sudden guilt. "Great to see you all uppy-and-abouty again, instead of...well not that you were downy-and-outy, but you _did _go kinda hermit crab on us."

Xander shrugged. "I know. I had to work a few things out."

"Buffy-related things?" Willow winced, wishing she could suck the words back in, and then preferably cut off her tongue and keep it in a jar. Except not that _Twilight Zone _jar, where it would grow baby tongues.

Xander, however, was unwincy. "Pretty much." He caught her concerned look and smiled, and Willow's heart lifted (and, to her alarm, melted slightly), for it was very much the old Xander who grinned. "Relax Will - it was a crush. These things happen when you're young and naive and y'know, incredibly handsome like me."

A snort of derision cut off Willow's reply. Cordelia arched out to join them on the porch's overlapping wall. "Handsome?" she repeated. "I don't know what kind of smoke you're inhaling in that filthy room of yours, but it obviously has perception-altering effects, little man."

Willow rolled her eyes. Figuratively speaking, of course. She awaited Xander's instant riposte with utter confidence. He and Cordelia had been duelling with their verbal rapiers for years now - he wasn't about to let a fairly clumsy thrust like that go by without a cutting parry.

Except, he was.

"What?" Xander asked, astonished.

Cordelia shook her head in apparent disbelief. "Give my regards to the Special Olympics," she sneered, and made to walk off, only to find her entrance back to the house blocked by Oz.

"My cousin is autistic," Oz said. "Don't say things like that, okay? I bet he thinks lines of girls who think waving bushes of tinsel qualifies as high art is pretty _differently_ _abled_ too."

And with that, he stepped aside. A thunderous moment of silence reigned for a moment. Willow swore she could hear the soft _thump _of her jaw hitting the stone floor of the porch.

Cordelia, caught completely unawares, merely trembled with rage for a second before gathering her dignity and sweeping into the house. Oz cast a glance after her and allowed a tiny frown to surface on his face, before dismissing this heavy show of emotion.

"Hey Willow," he said agreeably, and was plain old ordinary Oz again. Except he _wasn't_, and from that moment again in her eyes, never would be. "Can I join you?" he went on.

"Plinth do."

He chuckled, not even asking for an explanation. "Thankth."

"Xander, are you-?"

He was already gone.

----

Drusilla was brushing Miss Edith's hair. Again. Spike tried not to bite his tongue in frustration (though he often did, for snack purposes). She'd been in an odd mood since they'd retreated to their room to escape the encroaching sunlight a few hours earlier. He grunted inwardly - spending a century with Drusilla, you had to invent a _whole _different vocabulary to catalogue her 'odd moods'. She could make the Mona Lisa seem expressive.

Plus, not to put too fine a point on it - something Spike was spectacularly bad at - there were few things two effectively caged vampires could do to kill time until the comfort of darkness returned outside, and Spike was having a hard time keeping his mind off the one that sprang to mind most easily...

"Luv," he tried again, "I think her hair is tangle-free by now. Can't we-"

"Patience my puppy," Drusilla sang, never taking her eyes from the doll for a second. "You can play with Mummy soon, soon, but she's ever so busy right now, she is. She must prepare, she must make ready, and Miss Edith is everso unready, she is. Not ready at all. Just like the rest of them out there," and she spat suddenly, and even Spike had to stop himself from starting from the abruptness of her hatred, "the _wicked _ones. The _shameful _ones. But Mummy's almost made her ready, ready for him to come."

"Fine," Spike muttered, "_I've got a headache_ would've been bloody quicker, but fine," and he sulked for a moment, idly wondering if he could dash out to the kitchen for a few Weetabix n' plasma biscuits. He was getting a bit sick of the damn things, but it was worth it just to see the look on the humans' faces while he munched merrily away. Angelus seemed to move around the house fairly freely, if in a limited fashion, during the day.

_Angel_, he corrected himself, not bothering to hide a growl. The Angelus pretence had lasted for no more than a few hours - this sap, this impostor had - Spike almost retched - love written all over him for this pocket blonde Slayer. Once the terror of Europe, slaughterer of countless innocents, and now reeking, _stinking _of real human feeling for the ancient sworn nemesis of vampires everywh...

...and something in Spike's none-too-complex brain went, at last, _drop_.

"Him?" he asked, swinging his legs from the bed and turning to face Dru. "Who's this _him_, luv?"

Dru looked ashamed. "Can't see clearly," she admitted, "but the dreams, Spike...I've been dreaming of him. Such pretty dreams! Such glorious dreams, Spike!"

Spike was intrigued now. Drusilla had the gift, no doubt about it; it was why, after all, Angelus had been so relentless in his pursuits to drive her insane and make her a vampire. Her dreams came true. And Drusilla's dreams were always, _always_ nice and good dreams. World War I...Hiroshima...Vietnam...Cambodia..._such_ nice and pretty dreams they had been.

"He's coming here?" Spike asked again.

Drusilla stared into empty space. "So funny," she said, and barked a short laugh, "I keep thinking that, somehow precious, he's here already."

----

He had absolutely no idea in the world what he was going to say.

"Hey, bitch?"

No, on second thought, he'd known all along he was going to say that.

Cordelia turned. "_What_ did you call me?"

Xander came to a stop facing her, as they stood in the entrance to the girls bedroom, just out of poking distance. Cordelia's expertly-manicured fingernails stopped just short of having a ten-day waiting period. "You heard me," he replied evenly. "And if you're expecting an apology, you're even more of an airheaded blimp than I took you for, you vacuous tramp."

Cordelia's eyes widened with rage. "You worthless...dateless..._nerd!_"

She got a finger jabbed at her in return for this remark. "Worthless dateless nerd who _you _made out with," Xander pointed out triumphantly.

"Made _out_?"

"Well I admit it probably doesn't rank in your usual scale, Cordelia. And I'm sorry, but the Diary Room didn't have a dresser, so where shall I leave the cash? Or are we working on a credit system here?"

"Are you getting this?!" Cordelia fairly screamed to the cameras overhead. "I want _all _of this recorded, for the benefit of my legal team, because I intend, Xander Harris, to sue you and your Joe Pitchfork little family until you're all longing to be able to _afford _to starve to death."

Xander was about to reply when a thought struck him. "_That's_ a point," he said brightly, "maybe I should ask Big Brother for the tape of our little coming-together in the Diary Room? For a souvenir while we all starve to death? What do you think, Cordelia?"

Clearly, Cordelia Chase had until that point forgotten that the events of the Diary Room would have been recorded on video. Her face went deathly white. "Oh my God," she gasped, staggering back on unsteady legs to totter into a seating position on her bed. "I'm ruined. It's all over. I'll never cheerlead again. Unless it's for..." and she sobbed brokenly, "...a _softball _team. Oh _Goddddd_..."

Xander was caught in conflicting emotions. At some basic level he felt responsible for her tears and was tempted (only very very very slightly) to offer a comforting arm. _And yet, somehow, I can't help but feel slightly insulted by the fact that being seen kissing me has her lamenting the end of her life..._

He sat down beside her, against her better judgement. "C'mon," he offered awkwardly, and after a moment's thought, "c'mon now. Stop it."

"Overoveroverover_over_over..."

"Look...if anyone asks about it outside, you can tell them you were drugged the entire time. You mistook me for some butch jock with meatballs for brains and a defined six-pack. It was a big mistake."

The soft moaning beside him subsided. Cordelia poked her head out. "You really mean it?" she choked. "You'd do that for me?"

"Why not?" Xander continued cheerfully. "I can always say I mistook you for a human."

It was, in short, the nicest thing, the most selfless gesture, that anyone in their entire lives had ever done for Cordelia. It gave her a way out of this terrible mess, this unexplainable error, and a way she could claw her way back onto the popularity bandwagon she'd worked _so _hard not to ever have to jump onto in the first place. It certainly wasn't the sort of gesture she would ruin by further compounding the mistake by, say, kissing Xander Harris again.

They managed, later, to repair the bed.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 5 (Buffy's Birthday Party) **_

"Is this _really_ necessary, Will?" Buffy complained, as the blindfold was draped over her eyes. She felt Willow's weight shift behind her on her bed, and could almost picture her furrow of concentration as she fastened the knot which would obscure Buffy's vision for the near future. "Yes it is. Now quit complaining or I'll gut ya like a fish."   
"Tough, but fair."  
"I mean it's not like I don't _know_ I'm getting a party-"  
Willow pulled the blindfold unnecessarily tight, cutting Buffy off mid-gripe. "You'd better start pretending then, hadn't you?" she said, as she steered Buffy off the bed and to the doorway with immense caution. Buffy hadn't the heart to tell her that, with her Slayer senses, she could have navigated her way to the living area blindfolded.  
"Yeow!"   
"Oops. Sorry."  
_Well - it's my birthday_, Buffy thought defensively. _I'm entitled to be jazzed_. Her muscles tensed abruptly as her Slayer senses, a little embarrassed by the incident with the doorhandle, scrambled to redeem themselves by informing her that -  
"Never knew you were into this sort of thing, Red. I like it, although it could use some little touches - fluffy handcuffs, a leather collar..."  
"Willow's no more a lesbian than you are a Boy Scout, Spike. Now get the hell out of our way," Buffy said sweetly, her foot unconsciously lining up the best angle to bury itself into some soft vampire bits.   
"Pity," Spike leered as they moved past him, "here was me all looking forward to Bob A Job week..."  
Buffy extended an arm as they left him behind. "Did he see that?" she hissed to Willow.  
"Yes," Willow giggled. "He looks ready to bite through a wall. Oh - we're here! Right, you stand here..." she left Buffy, just as the Slayer felt the evening breeze from the garden caress her face again.  
"Okay Buffy, on the count of five, you can take off the blindfold...five... four...three... two...one..._now_!"   
Buffy obliged, pulling the red silken barrier down from her eyes. She gasped. The entire living area had been decked out in regal tones of red and crimson and purple. Balloons and streamers dangled from every available suface. A huge buffet spread filled the kitchen table; her nose eagerly sought out the telltale scent of nachos and pizza. Her friends stood facing her in a half-circle, Xander and Willow in the centre.  
And despite all of this, her first thought was _where is he_?   
Wisely, she didn't decide to vocalise it. "I can't believe this!" she beamed, opening her arms up and throwing them around first Willow, then Xander, then (a rather bemused) Giles. "Look at all this!"  
"Big Brother really was most generous," Giles agreed, regarding the feast while cleaning his glasses fastidiously. Buffy could have hugged him again, if he wasn't too English to take it without bursting to flames.  
"Well it helps to have contacts on the inside, eh G-Man?"  
"Xander, I'm sure I don't know _what_ you're talking about."  
"Oh c'mon Giles," Xander snorted, "you spend so much time in the Diary Room it's becoming the Collected Works Of Shakespeare Room..."  
And then, something quite astonishing happened.  
"Happy birthday Buffy," Cordelia said. "You look..." and her voice faltered, and everyone held their collective breath as they waited for her to produce the latest putdown, and Cordelia sucked in a long and laboured breath, "...you look..._good_."  
The universe exhaled, all in a rush. The universe except Xander, who permitted the very tiniest hint of a hint of a smile to tic the edge of his mouth, even as Willow, Giles, Oz (who went so far as to raise a whole eyebrow) and the birthday girl gaped at Cordelia.  
"Well don't get accustomed to it," the subject of their amazement snapped. "Let's just get down to party business while most of us are young."  
As the others scattered to various tasks, Xander sidled over to Cordelia's side. "That was nice. Smoke coming out of your ears kept to a minimum."  
"Can it, Harris."  
"Ever the charmer," he marvelled as she flounced away. Despite this, despite the craziness of it all, he was unable to keep that tiny smile from germinating further across his face. Something weird was happening, something so unexpected it wasn't just out of the ballpark but into the mini-mall two towns over...but Xander, for some odd reason, didn't hate it.  
And so the party progressed. Buffy delighted in her presents, erratic though they were in nature (the "don't-crush-my-spirit" look on Willow's face as she presented Buffy with various face-eggs from the garden outside was a particular highlight). Giles, after not very much encouragement but (crucially) a bottle and a half of Directors whiskey chose that moment to let the gang in on his musical past, resulting in a very pensive-looking Oz handing over his guitar to the librarian.  
The noise, and the fact that the sun had finally gone down, attracted Spike and Drusilla from their bedroom. Spike's hilarious laughter at Giles' musical efforts served to irritate the normally slow to anger Watcher to such a degree that he flung three of Willow's face-eggs at the vampire...  
...and, much to the astonishment - and alarm - of everyone, they impacted.  
"It's about bloody _time_!" Spike roared in pleasure, swinging a massive roundhouse at the unexpecting Slayer-  
-_whoomph_-  
Buffy peered over his crumpled body, which had taken a sofa with it. "Looks like the Sanctuary spell is back on again, Spike," she observed.  
Giles' alarm abated. He glanced up at where the camera was widely believed to be in the living area. "Thank you, Jenny."  
"_Don't mention it, Rupert_."  
"No friends in high places, eh?" Xander reminded him, grinning lewdly.  
"Oh _do_ shut up, Xander."  
Spike got to his feet, apoplectic with rage, his beloved leather jacket covered in yellow, dripping yolk stains. "You just wait. You all...just wait. You'll be begging for me to kill you by the end."  
"Oh Spike," Buffy tutted most disapprovingly, "must you egg us on so?"  
With a final exclamation of impotent rage Spike left the living area, pursued by a seemingly oblivious Drusilla.  
"My eggs..." Willow wailed. "Giles, how _could_ you?"  
Buffy extended a comforting arm around her friend. "Will, believe me, seeing Spike like that was the best present I could have gotten."  
"Sure about that?"  
The breath caught in Buffy's throat. She slowly turned around. Standing in the hallway, wearing a slightly nervous smile, was Angel. He held a small velvet box in one hand, tied off with a red ribbon. He looked exactly like she'd pictured him, and right now she didn't even care to ask him why he was late, or where he had been until now.  
Before she could properly gather himself, he was standing there right in front of her. Buffy idly wondered if her Slayer strength included the ability to make her knees knock so hard that she shattered her own kneecaps. _My God that was girly. I still remember how to be girly. Who knew?_  
"Take a walk with me?" he asked her.  
"Yeah," she agreed, and they left the living area for the garden arm-in-arm, leaving behind them a rather deflated group of would-be partygoers, left behind in the wake of true love at its most blatantly showy.  
"Anyone for jam?" Giles inquired.  
"Er, Giles, actually there's something I have to tell you about that-" Willow began.

Later, Buffy could never remember much about the garden. Oh, she vaguely recalled that there had been a moonlit walk under impossible stars, and they had stopped by a fountain for a while (a fountain? had that even been there before?) and there had been talk, idle make-chat that they had grown so, so good at...and the kisses.  
Oh, there had been kisses. And as she emerged from the latest, gasping for air and gasping generally, Buffy knew that things were going to change. She could feel it. It was a night for such things, and...and...and she'd forgotten something.  
"Hey," she said, "my present. I forgot."  
Angel had the decency to look sheepish. He fished the velvet box back out from the pocket in which it had resided. "Sorry. I got kinda..." he coughed, as they exchanged a knowing and not-altogether-embarrassed look.  
Buffy unwrapped the ribbon and prised open the box, before extracting the contents, a small and rather beautiful object that held her spellbound for reasons she couldn't even fathom.  
"What is it?"  
"It's a Claddagh ring," Angel explained. "My people use them to express friendship and love."  
He went on to explain the intracacies of the ring, and the code in which it should be worn. When he showed her his own version, Buffy couldn't help but notice something.  
"Your heart belongs to someone...?"  
He didn't look away. "It does. It belongs to you. You know it does," he went on, as she fought the absurd - and yet suddenly all-too-plausible - urge to swoon into the fountain at her back, "Buffy...I love you."  
"I love you too," she said, relief and jubilation and so many other emotions pouring out with the words. They came together for a long, deep kiss after that...and then, after that (because mindblowingly good as that kiss was, there was plainly more kissage to be had) another...and another...  
...and there was a bed, and there was Angel, and there she was too. Only later would she realise that the "bed" was actually composed of amazingly soft flowers. Right now, there was only the need, only him, and her mind had neither the time or the inclination to contemplate anything but the merest fraction of the desire burning through her body.  
Afterward, they collapsed into one another, and sleep claimed her, the deep, contented sleep of the satiated lover.  
She missed the thunderstorm.  
She missed the lightning.  
She missed Angel's awakening, Angel stumbling blindly around the garden, calling her name with increasing urgency and hoarseness, before finally falling to his knees and raising his face to the heavens.  
She missed the light leaving his eyes, and laughter which followed it.  
Unlike the previous events, however, she really would not have wanted to witness this, for reasons she, and the rest of the Big Brother house, were about to discover for themselves.

Spike was fuming, but what could he do? Nothing. That lot were as tight as ... hang on! that's it! Untied we stand, divided we fall!. OK, it would mean jumping forward to another series. Still, he might well get voted out as things stood. He could at least have a little fun pissing them all off.

And so it was, that Spike rejoined the party and set in motion a new policy. In truth, he had already begun. These last few days he'd caused Giles some embarrassment by humming The Glitter Band hit he'd overheard Giles singing. Others started to pick up on these catchy tunes. Buffy had acutely embarrassed when Angel caught her singing "Angel face, Angel face – I'm gonna make you my Angel face".

Drusilla: "Your smiling like the cat that caught the rabbit and you smell all eggsy."

Spike: "I'm gonna have some fun "

Cordelia was shocked to discover that she was improperly accessorized. On returning to the girls bedroom she found Willow moping.

Cordelia: "What are you doing?"

Willow: "Oh ... nothing"

Cordelia: "Why aren't you with Oz?"

Willow: "Oz?... oh ...he's talking wah wah peddles with Giles."

Cordelia: "WHAT-ever. This boy is interested in you. You're not wearing that cartoon cardigan, are you?"

Willow: "Xander thought it was cute..."

Cordelia: "Xander is HARDLY Versace. Trust me. Here, let me show you. Now,... this eye shadow I think. We'd better go natural, people aren't used to seeing you made up."

Willow: "But..."

Cordelia: "No buts!

Willow: "But... ouch!"

Spike strode purposefully out into the garden, to join in with Oz and Giles' conversation. Perhaps he could suggest to them that the girls wanted another one of the boys to go next week?

It was at this point that he skidded on some wet swimwear that had been left out to dry. He glided forward, as if on some invisible skateboard and then lurched head first into the trestle food table.

Spike managed to pull himself up off the ground. The table, however, was not built to take any great weight and collapsed in the middle, causing a sherry trifle to fly up...up...into the air...and fall down hard on his head. He fell unconscious...

His eyes opened. Five out of focus Drusilla's merged into one.

Dru: "Shuuuuuushhhhhh! Don't move, my love. Your bones are broken."

Dru: They're takin' my Chanticleer to a doctor."

Giles: "Chanticleer? a strutting rooster – how appropriate"

Oz: (thinks to himself, almost audibly)

Meanwhile, Cordelia and Xander fall about laughing and have to lean on each other for support, in the absence of oxygen.

Xander: "Did you notice how his hair went pink?"

Willow emerged from the house feeling pleased about her female bonding session with Cordelia and her new hair look. There seemed to be a big commotion going on. 

Cordelia had a hand on Xander's shoulder in a most familiar way,...as if they were freinds. Xander was breaking their pact and consorting with the devil. In a moment, Willow knew who her next nomination would be: – Cordelia!

Oz: "Hi"

Willow: "Oh...Hi there!"

Oz: "Spike's just being taken to some kind of vampire hospital."

Wilow: "Oh?"

Oz: 'Wanna 'go swim'?"

DAY 6

All of the house mates, except Willow are still in bed. Spike has been seen by a doctor and will soon be told that he must be in a wheelchair until his broken legs heal, or the next Apocalypse, depending on his preference.

A sultry Romany voice issued out across the house.

"Housemates, this is Big Brother". A new housemate, Kendra will be joining you today from... (Where is she from?... Giles, do you work out? you're looking particularly well toned. No, it's all right. Don't cover yourself over. (Pause) That is all."

Giles: "Don't snigger Xander, you sound like an idiot"

Xander: "OK, Mr. Swarzennegger"   
Willow has spent the past hour and a half tidying up after the party and feeding the chickens on cloud 9. Oz really does seem to like her. How could this be happening to her? 

"Good morning chickens!"

Oz has joined Willow in the garden and taken up position on a sun-lounger. Big Brother has created an artificial climate to ensure that the housemates can be seen for the maximum number of hours with the minimum amount of clothing. In this warm sunshine it's all too easy to just... doze...off...

Willow cannot help but smile to herself. Turning her attention back to pruning the hedge she finds herself face to face with a strange girl, as still as a statue, head held high and arms folded.

Willow: "Oh...Oh... Who are – you?"

Kendra: "My name is Kendra. I am te be yur new house-mate. Who are you?"

Willow: "Hi. Willow. I'm like, the one who feeds the chickens. So, hey, are you Scottish?"

Kendra: "I am from..."

Big Brother: "...Housemates, This is Big Brother. We forgot to inform you that your new Housemate Kendra arrived 2 minutes ago. That is all."

(The other living house mates look around and find Kendra with Willow.)

Giles: "Hello Kendra, welcome"

Kendra: "I have he'rd aaall about you Mr. Giles"

Giles: "Really?"

Xandra: "Well hell-o!"

Kendra: (Hangs head, shyly)  
"How do you do Sir?"

Kendra: "I am Kendra the vompire slayah"

Buffy (smugly): "Ah now there must be some mistake, you see...I,...I...am the Chosen One"

Xander: "She's the Buffster"

Kendra: "I have a mission to kill vampires"

Giles: "Ah, well Big Brother has put in some kind of magic, so that the vampires here can't harm us and we cannot harm them either"

Kendra: "You allow vampires into your house?"

Giles: "You can't sense them?"

Cordy: "PUR-lease. Do you think I would decorate my home like this?"

Buffy: "Besides, Angel's a sweetie"

Xander: "yeah, like a fisherman's friend".

Oz: "More like an orange chew"

(Everone looks at Oz wondering)

Kendra: "Why haven't you killed him?"

Willow: "Oh..Angel is Buffy's boyfriend. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

Kendra: "The slayer cannot have a boyfriend. Least of all – a vompire. He must die!

Buffy: "Noone's killing Angel"

Xander: "Not even just a tiny bit. Poison maybe?"

Buffy: "When you meet him you'll see. Angel's different. He has a soul"

Giles: "So Kendra, tell me all about yourself. Who is your watcher?" (They wander off)

---------

Buffy: "Do you think I'm the prettier slayer?"

Willow (with fingers crossed behind her back)  
"Oh, definitely."


	6. Day 6

_**Buffy Big Brother - Day 6 - Morning**_

Its almost the end of the second week in the Buffy Big Brother House the group are all getting to know one another better and the new and existing relationships have changed from friendship to more intimate footings.

Angel is seen by the Big Brother cameras looking for something in the bathroom, Buffy is looking for Angel, Giles is in the Diary Room debating the many differences between good old fashioned text and cyber text with the female Big Brother (Jenny as she's asked him to call her), the others are discussing the new arrival Kendra, also a Slayer, (much to Buffys visable disgust) and Spike is recovering from his unfortunate accident with the top of Cordelias French Bikini and an uneaten Sherry Trifle, Xanders remark of "Who'd have known there was enough material in that piece of string and two band-aids to disable the famous William the Bloody - think of what she could achieve with actual clothes" is met with a swift smack to the solar plexus from Cordy who informs the housemates with her usual air of complete superiority that as "The only one among you feebs who has both disabled and dispatched two of the most feared vampires in recent history, I'm thinking I should get some status out of this - (with a pointed glance at Buff and Kendra) after all its not like I'm blessed with superhuman reflexes and strength, I'm just... me, oh well guess it's more than good enough, see some people really are lucky enough to have it all... like me." she grins, safe in the knowledge that her looks, money and "inordinately good fashion sense" will see her through any situation

The new housemate Kendra also seems unimpressed with Cordelias imagined prowess as a Vampire Slayer which is fine with Cordy as she, on the whole, is quite unimpressed with Kendra "what do you mean you have no luggage, just because you live in a grass hut on the wrong side of the Bahamas is no excuse for that "beach dwelling, I live nowhere near a decent Neiman Marcus, reject ensemble."

Cordelia is saved from being on the receiving end of Kendras aptly named stake "Mr Pointy" by both the Sanctuary Spell and the arrival of Spike and Drusilla - again Kendra is on the receiving end of the Sanctuary Spell when taken aback by yet more vampires in the house tries to Slay them too. Drusilla takes an immediate and obvious dislike to the new Slayer which manifests itself in Dru twisting Miss Ediths head the wrong way round so Kendra can't see the dolls face.

Angel finally appears much to Buffys delight, who runs over to greet him with a kiss, she is visibly puzzled and hurt when he appears to brush off her attentions before heading over to join Spike and Drusilla, both of whom are surprised, (and happy), at the turn of events. Buffy turns to talk to Willow and Xander, who are just as shocked as Buffy at the way Angel has just acted especially as Xander has also noticed that Angel seems different somehow "he kinda looks like he's wearing make-up - geez that guy'll do anything for the female vote." he flinches as Willow digs him in the ribs, noticing that Buffy is almost crying while looking over at Angel as he laughs and jokes with Spike and Drusilla, she is about to say something to Buffy when...

_This is Big Brother, Buffy please come to the Diary Room immediately and the rest of you please return to your bedrooms and stay there until Big Brother advises you you may leave... _(Spike is opening his mouth the protest when Big Brother adds an extra comment) - _NO arguments, remember our Portal to Hell still needs a test subject._

Spike shuts his mouth, Buffy heads to join Giles who is still in the Diary Room and the rest of the housemates return to their respective bedrooms - all are shocked when Angel heads in to Spike and Drusillas room instead of the room he shares with Xander, Oz and Giles.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (afternoon)**_

Buffy sat down in the Diary Room chair, her mind ablaze, her certainties of only a few hours before swept away. The last thing she remembered the night before was falling asleep curled up in Angel's arms. Though strength coursed through her that was the equal - and more - of her lover, she had felt a primordial comfort at being encircled in his embrace, letting an exhausted consciousness slip into the most contented sleep she had ever known. After all, there had been a _damn_ good reason for her fatigue...  
And then, barely five minutes ago...  
----  
"Angel!"  
He turned to face her, that old smile haunting his lips. "Buffy," he greeted her in return. "Good to see ya."  
She kissed him full on the lips, the passion of the previous night still lingering in her system (feelings she reckoned had a half-life of, oh, forever).  
He returned her gesture, and she felt the first trickle of doubt gestate. Slowly, but with increasing unease, she realised that he wasn't kissing her.  
He was kissing her back.  
She broke the contact, her hands still clasped possessively around his neck. He stared down at her and she felt her brows knit in puzzlement - was it just her, or was he somehow _different_ looking?  
"You look pale," she blurted out before she could stop herself, knowing full well it was an absurd thing to say to a vampire but knowing also that it was the _right_ thing to say. Angel was never going to be voted Mr Coppertone anytime soon, but today he looked downright anaemic.  
"Must be all the being dead thing, champ," Angel told her, waggling his eyebrows patronisingly. He delicately, but no less definitely, removed her hands from around his neck. His eyes flitted behind her, his attention diverted to something else for a second. To - Buffy glanced for a moment where his gaze had landed - to _Drusilla_?  
"Is something wrong?" she said, that trickle of a few moments ago gaining speed and volume with each passing heartbeat. It wasn't the best metaphor for their relationship, she reflected, since they had only one heartbeat to share between them. Before, she'd considered it romantic - they shared rhythm gave them life.  
Now...now she was abruptly reminded of the fact that only one of their two hearts actually did the work.  
Angel allowed a flash of...something...to pass across his face, before visibly composing his expression into something diplomatic. "Nothing."  
Buffy took a step back, feeling the bottom fall out of her world. "It's last night," she said. It was not phrased as a question.  
Angel waved a hand. "Forget it, slugger, kay? Let me grab somethin to drink here - I'm parched." He winked at her. There was not one trace of lightness in the gesture. "You know what it's like...having to survive on scraps."  
Buffy blocked his path as he attempted to brush past her. She was fighting back tears and not entirely succeeding in doing so, watching in disbelief as he rolled his eyes impatiently. "What _now_?"   
"_What now_?" Buffy croaked back at him. "_Forget_ it? I can't forget it, Angel. We shared something last night that - that I thought...you said that...why, _why_ are you acting like this?"  
And a thought struck her then, one so horrific that her efforts to contain her shock lapsed, and a tear rolled unbound down her cheek. "Was it...me?"  
Angel grinned widely. "You!" he repeated incredulously. "No, hun, it wasn't you at all. It was me - I went into this expecting one thing and I got another. You shouldn't expect a gourmet meal from a drive-thru attendant, should you?"  
With that, he tried again to move past her, and this time was met with no resistance; Buffy at that moment couldn't have stopped a breeze. He paused, however, a step or two later, and she thought _it's all over, he's come to his senses and this is all going to be some huge great mistake and everything will be alright_-  
"For what it's worth, though," he said instead, "I thought you were terrific. First-class. Right up there with the best. And hey remember, I've been to Calcutta."  
----  
"_Buffy, this is Big Brother. Are you listening_?"  
Buffy jerked back to reality. For one more glorious moment she wondered if it had all been a paranoid daydream she'd slipped into, but no. Glancing down, she saw the thin rivulets of red trickling still down her arms, legacies from where her fingernails had been resting against her palm while Angel talked. She lifted her hands to her face a moment, staring numbly.  
"_Buffy!_"  
"What is it?" she said, at that moment feeling closer to eighty than twenty.  
"_You want to know what's happened, don't you_?"  
"Happened to what?" Buffy asked, the words still not registering to her.  
"_To Angel._"  
_That_ got her attention.  
"_You want to know why he's changed_."  
And suddenly, there were sobs, and tears, and suddenly Buffy was on the floor, her chest heaving helplessly, her hands clawing at her face, her arms, at anything they could lay reach to. Until that moment, it had all been too unreal to be real, but hearing it, having it confirmed by the voice had finally convinced her that this latest nightmare was indeed happening. Monsters she could handle. Apocalypses she could be beeped for. But Angel had been her guide, her enigmatic protector, her hopeless fantasy. She had given him everything, and he had taken it and tore it up in her face, laughing.  
_Slugger. I'm a slugger. I'm a champ. I'm a notch in the bastard's coffin. _  
And suddenly, there were arms.  
"Sssssh," a female voice soothed her. Buffy wanted to say _Mom_? and surrender to the lie (_what was one more_?) but the voice was not that of her mother's. It was, however, somehow familar. She extricated herself from the comforting embrace long enough to see the face of her newly-appointed grief consellor. Buffy found herself looking at a mature woman, in her early thirties, with dark eyes and a lightly bronzed, almost swarthy complexion. She flashed the younger girl a smile that was obviously meant to be as comforting as the hug had been.  
"Giles' voice?"  
The woman smiled, looked tempted to deny it, and then shrugged. "I also go by Jenny," she told Buffy, "but yes, if you like."  
Buffy composed herself. It was a short sentence, but an achievement nothing short of heroism. Jenny seemed to recognise this; Buffy could see admiration reflected in the older woman's eyes. She understood Giles' fascination. "You know what happened to Angel?"  
"In good time," Jenny replied easily, "let's bring you through and get you cleaned up a little."  
Buffy was about to protest, about to say that there was no way she could go back in there with Angel still around and probably still wearing that terrible thin smile, when she saw that what Jenny meant by _bring you through_ was not what she expected. Where once there had been a solid wall with a mirror facing the Diary Room chair, now there was a mini-portal, of a much more sedate nature than the hungry maw they had experienced earlier.  
"Come with me," Jenny said again.  
Buffy went.  
----  
"Get out."  
"Now now Spike, my old friend," Angel grinned, prowling around Spike and Drusilla's bedroom like a caged animal. "That's no way to speak to your old mentor and comrade in chaos. Go around saying things like that, you'll get the legs cut from under...oh," and he flashed another smile at Spike, "sorry, my bad."  
Drusilla said nothing. She was slowly spreading her arms wider and wider, like a cobra about to strike. Her face, though, was not that of something about to attack. A look of wonder and amazement was seeping across her. Spike narrowed his eyes. Something odd was going on here, something beyond his comprehension. Admittedly that wasn't saying much, but that didn't mean he had to _like _it.   
"That's a bit politically incorrect, coming from a nancyboy poof like you. Why don't you run back to your Slayer bitch and play nice puppy for a while. This room's for vampires with the _cojones_ to actually suck blood from things that don't make Rentakil's Christmas card list. Right luv?" he glanced at Drusilla for support.  
She was caught in sheer rapture, her face shrouded in joy. "Daddy!"  
"He's not your Daddy, Dru," Spike explained with the endless patience of the devoted boyfriend. "He's got a horrible little dirty soul now, remember?"  
Angel merely kept on grinning.  
"Daddy's _home!_" Drusilla said, and flew at Angel. Spike braced himself for the inevitable intervention of the Sanctuary spell, his hands gripping the armrests of the wheelchair tightly. So much for the plan-  
Nothing came. Drusilla hadn't meant to attack Angel. She had simply gone to him, and now, as Spike watched disbelievingly, Angel curled his arms around her hips and kissed the base of her neck, sending shivers of ecstasy up Drusilla's entire body. Angel's eyes locked with Spike's.   
"Angelus."  
"Large as life," Angelus - for it was he - replied, his eyes glittering. "Surprised to see me, Spikey boy?"  
"Missed you so much, Daddy, we have," Drusilla cooed adoringly. "Things have been ever so boring without you."  
Spike felt his rage (which was never exactly insignificant at the best of times) begin to boil over. "I had no idea you were so bored, luv," he said softly.  
Drusilla detached herself from Angel reluctantly, looking contrite. Angelus winked at her. She grinned like a cat and walked back over to Spike. Angelus met Spike's challenging gaze for another second and then seemed to dismiss it altogether, resuming his former prowling with a vengeance.

"_Free_!" he exclaimed, pausing to swat at an ornamental crystal vase. It shattered into a million pieces, shards raining down all over the room. Tiny flashes of blue magick marked the instances of the Sanctuary spell kicking in as the shards bounced harmlessly off the room's inhabitants.  
Angelus howled in frustration. "You call _this_ freedom?" he snarled, turning on Drusilla in Spike in rage. "Decades trapped inside that _shell_, that _excuse_ of a body - made to sit through _good_ _deeds_...and let's not even _mention_ the music, shall we? And when I finally, I _finally_ get to come out to play, they slap this damn joke of a spell on me to neuter me all over again? How _dare_ they."  
"Kill them! Kill them! Rip them up and eat them!" Drusilla sang, jumping up and down excitedly.  
Angelus laughed. "That's my girl. And we will, Dru, we will, you and me and Professor Xavier, spell or no spell."  
"Starting with the Slayer...the _wicked_ girl...kill her, kill her Daddy, and let me see in her head before she stops!"  
"Oh no," Angelus shook his head. "Buffy won't be the start. She'll live long enough to see what I've done to her, see what price she's paid for what she did to me."  
"What did she do?" Spike asked, genuinely curious.  
"She made me feel," Angelus told him. "Made me almost human. She came this close to saving my soul. And that's not the kinda thing you just f-"  
"_Could all housemates assemble in the living area, please. Repeat, all housemates in the living area_."  
"No-one," Angelus said softly, "_no-one _interrupts my evil dialogue." That ever-present smile faded completely. "I'm gonna have to have a little chat with Big Brother about it."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (evening)**_

I didn't know where she was taking me. Right then, I didn't care. How could it have been worse than the private dimension of Hell I was in? Jenny had been kind, but I would have followed her if she'd had horns and a pointed tail. A part of my brain tried to make a connection with the whole "Giles wouldn't mind if she did have the horns" theme but to be honest, I was too bummed to make my trademark quips, even to myself.

Going through a portal is an interesting experience. I had wondered if it was like being born, but I very much doubt birth feels as if the universe had just sneezed around you. That's the sensation that pulsed through me for a quarter-second before the Diary Room - thankfully - vanished and I found myself Through The Confessing Glass.

Literally. We were in another Diary Room.

"Sure that thing worked?" I asked Jenny, thumbing to the portal behind me.

"I'm sure," she smiled reassuringly. I liked that smile. I wanted to cling to it. Abruptly I realised that this was kinda gay. _My God, I'm actually missing my mother. _Somehow, this was every bit as much of a revelation as...as anything else that had happened that day.

We went through the small entrance door. My suspicions were correct; it was the Big Brother house, right down to the smallest detail.

"I know what you're thinking," Jenny said, sitting down on one of the high stools in the dining area. "Trust me, we're alone. This isn't your house. Think of it as _a _Big Brother house."

"There are others?" I asked numbly. Why was I surprised? I used to think I was the only Slayer, after all. I used to think I was the only girl Angel-

No. I wasn't about to break down again. Comforting voice or not, Jenny was a stranger. But later, Willow's shoulder wouldn't know what hit her. It'd look like the Ganges Delta, I promised myself, feeling the terrible urge to cry again well up. I had to stop, had to think, had to be the Slayer again. Too much at stake. God, my quips were _really _suffering.

Jenny didn't answer my question. I didn't push. "You're probably wondering who I am."

"You're a very feminine Big Brother, if that's what you mean. I think even Cordelia would have to approve of those boots."

"Doesn't _that_ just make my week," Jenny replied dryly, unknowingly increasing her stock in Buffy's eyes tenfold. "All I can tell you is that I was brought in, much as you and your friends were, except at a different..." she shrugged, trying to explain, "...level, I guess. I've been here for the past six days, mostly just watching and interacting through the announcements."

"Six days?"

"You remember the Master...ah...yeah I thought you would. His lackey killed the previous staff. I'm their replacement."

"Gotta love that job description: 'sacrificial victim replacement'. Did you ask about health & safety?"

"I was told that there could be no further outside encroachments unless Big Brother specifically authorised them. Plus, I was given this."

I regarded the stake hungrily. It had been too long, I suddenly realised, since I killed a vampire, watched his bones turn to dust and his once-proud face collapse into nothingness, a faded memory.

"Thinking about Angel?"

"Yup."

Jenny looked pained. "I need to tell you the truth. You have to understand that this won't be easy for you to hear."

She was wrong. As she told me - told me about the gypsy curse (that much I knew) and the get-out clause of "perfect happiness" that had returned him to his former state, made him the monster he once was, I found myself growing more and more relieved. It had been Angelus who said those things. Angelus who kissed me back. Angelus who made me feel worse than I'd ever thought possible.

"You're taking this well."

"Why wouldn't I? That - _thing - _through there is no more Angel than Giles is...no offence," I added quickly, and had the satisfaction of seeing Jenny blush. "Just tell me how we're going to fix this and I'll get back and warn the others."

Jenny's face, which had worn masks of puzzlement and hopefulness in equal measure upon seeing my calmness, abruptly fell, and along with it went my own fragile serenity. "Fix this...?" she breathed.

"Fix this," I repeated, feeling my jaw set. "You knew this was going to happen, so I assume you have some sort of plan to fix it. My gosh, I seem to be saying _fix _a lot, don't I? Fix fix fix. Fix Angel. Now."

Jenny's eyes were wide with sympathy and - I was very pleased to note - not a little fear too. "We can't."

"_Fix him, you bitch!_"

My breathing gradually returned to normal. I was a little surprised to note that I seemed to have moved. My arm had thrown itself out, my hand had tightened around Jenny's neck, and my other hand had, all by its lonesome, found her stake.

And not one single spark of blue magick had gotten in the way.

I loosened my grip on her neck. "No spell?"

"Not...here," she wheezed. "It's...still on...back in the house."

"You can't f...return Angel?"

Jenny looked me straight in the eye. For someone being pinned to the ground by an extremely-pissed-off-Slayer, it must have taken guts. "It's beyond me. He's not coming back."

I nodded. "Then bring him - bring _Angelus - _here."

"Why?"

"Why else?" I smiled, slipping the stake into my back pocket. "So I can kill him."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (evening)**_

The living area felt wrong. Giles felt it as soon as they had all assembled - all except Buffy, he noted with concern, who was still apparently talking to Big Brother - Jenny, most likely.  
"Why you?" he had asked her, during one of their extended conversations. "_What do you mean, Rupert?_"  
"What connection do you have with anyone in the house? I'm simply trying to comprehend why this 'Big Brother' would choose you."  
"_I don't know_," she had lied in reply. Giles didn't kid himself that he was the world's foremost expert on the opposite sex - almost a fortnight spent in the close company of Buffy, Cordelia and Willow had convinced him that there could be no such _thing_ as an expert - but he knew Jenny's voice well enough to know when she was lying.  
He missed his books. God he missed his books. Contained within those ancient pages was enough ancient wisdom, enough priceless clairvoyance and arcane knowledge (if you forsake the mysterious jam stain on the contents page of the _Arcadia Mortus_) to solve any problem he'd so far encountered. Without them, what use was he in this house, to his Slayer?  
He knew that the general consensus was that he'd developed quite a fancy for Jenny. In truth that was utter, utter nonsense; Giles was above such adolescent concepts as a "crush", especially on someone whom he'd never even met in person. Jenny was most probably a homely and perfectly lovely woman, and _not_ in any way shape or form a husky-voiced dusky love goddess with smouldering eyes and wandering hands.  
No, the real reason for Giles' frequent liasions with Jenny was - what else? - to gather as much information as he could about their current predicament. Unlike certain others (he paused to glare at Xander and Cordelia, who had emerged, dishevelled slightly, from some far-off nook of the house) he wasn't prepared to accept their situation. The amount of power displayed by Big Brother thus far had been staggering; taming the Master - even for a while - effortlessly creating portals between dimensions, altering reality as it saw fit. Giles was only glad that no-one of any real importance had thus far been "evicted", a process about which he was extremely dubious. He had the decency to feel a momentary pang of guilt about Harmony's unknown fate. But then, it would take a particularly resilient Hell dimension (and one with a Dolce & Gabbana outlet) to cope with her for long.  
Angel was leaning against a nearby wall, regarding the Diary Room entrance with - Giles looked again - an _odd_ expression on his face. The expression itself, one of intensity mixed with a rather calculating calmness, wasn't all that unusual, it was just that Giles had never before seen its like on Angel.   
Conversation with the vampire was awkward at the best of times, but Giles felt he had to try. He wasn't blind - there was obviously something pretty serious going on between Angel and Buffy, and he had to admit it wasn't easy for a Watcher to give his blessing to his Slayer to pursue a relationship with a vampire.

As if Buffy had ever sought it...  
"Another delightful surprise in store, no doubt," Giles said, referring to the gathering called.  
Angel turned his head slowly to take in the Watcher. Giles found himself being scanned from head to toe. There was a pause beyond that of awkwardness before the reply eventually came. "What age are you, Rupert?"  
"Young enough to be able to wear platform shoes without a sense of postmodern irony. Why do you ask?"  
"They put men like you in charge of Slayers," Angel mused, seemingly oblivious to Giles' puzzlement gradually turning to irritation. "They always have.Young, nubile, women, getting told what to do by old, out-of-shape men. Slayers for the boys."  
"Just what the hell are you trying to say?" Giles said, absolutely aghast at what he was hearing.  
"Oh c'mon, Rupert," Angel grinned lewdly, "I've seen you train her. The way you make her sweat. Those little sweat tops and the way they stick to her...and let's not discount that trademark Slayer flexibility..."  
Giles tried to fight down the opposing feelings of outrage and revulsion that were surging through him. He couldn't believe Angel was talking like this. _Angel_, of all people, who had proven his worth and fought alongside them. Sure, there had been that little spat with Xander Harris, but quite frankly Ghandi would have been hard pressed not to resort to violence towards that boy.  
"How _dare_ you," Giles hissed.  
Angel moved off the wall. He seemed totally unconcerned about the Sanctuary spell. So much so, in fact, that Giles took an involuntary half-step backward before cursing himself for his weakness and standing his ground. The movement was not missed by Angel. A contemptuous upturn of his mouth added to the overall air of menace which was as pervasive as it was puzzling.  
"You never wondered, Rupert," Angel went on, his voice low and soft again, "what it would be like...to have her beneath you, have all those taut Slayer muscles working on you..."  
"Stop."  
"...to hear her cry out your name..."  
"Shut _up_!" and now the others were glancing toward him, because he could no longer contain his anger. All thoughts of Angel had gone, and the shadow of Ripper, whom Giles had thought long buried, was screaming to be unleashed, to be able to lash out against this bastard-  
"I did, Rupert. I wondered. But hey, guess _what_, you English ponce," Angel said, grinning widely, hatefully, even as Giles felt Ripper seize control, "I didn't have to wonder for long."  
Giles fist snapped forward -  
- and was pulled back.   
"It's all right," Buffy said quietly, her hand closed tightly around Giles' wrist, showing no signs of outward strain. "I can handle this."  
The fire in Giles' eyes died. He stepped backward, fists refusing to unclench but face beginning to go red with shame at losing control. Spike was already snickering at him. He glanced at Buffy, and was surprised - and pleased - to see the gratitude in her eyes for what he had tried to do. Beneath that, though, was a world of hurt which shocked him to see.  
"Hey, princess," Angel greeted her. "Just having a few words with the Muffin Man. Wanna disappear somewhere and make out? Let's sneak off, just you and me, and be all clandestine about our forbidden love, because God knows no-one _else_ around here is doing that, eh Cordy? Xander?"  
His targets went white. Willow's mouth slowly formed a large O.  
"That's enough, Angelus."  
"Angelus," Giles echoed. "But that's impossible...what could have caused-"  
"I did," Buffy cut him off. "I caused it."  
"You bet she did," Angelus crowed. "The small-print said _one_ perfect moment but this little machine just went a-bove and be-yond! Oh, remind me to tell you all about it, Xander."  
Xander made to move toward Angel. As he did, Willow ran across him, a sob escaping her lips as she fled to her bedroom. Confused, Xander stopped, looking as if he meant to follow her. One quiet look from Oz stopped that plan. Oz went in his place, sending a venomous glance in Angelus' direction before he did.  
"Go comfort her!" Angelus called. To Xander he said, "I'd watch that Oz guy if I were you. Alone with Willow, on a night like this, with her feeling vulnerable...and him _such_ an animal..."  
The three vampires laughed, as if sharing some secret joke.  
"_Angel-_"   
"Angel doesn't live here anymore," Angelus interrupted the announcement smoothly.  
"_-Angelus, please come to the Diary Room immediately._"  
Angel nodded, almost to himself. He faced Buffy again. "Gotta go, champ. Will you miss me?"  
Buffy's eyes were like diamonds. "Trust me. I won't miss."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (later)**_

Xander could feel Oz glaring at him, and so retreated into the Boy's bedroom followed discreetly some 10 minutes later by Cordelia. She found him sitting on the edge of his bed with head in hands.

C: "Xander!"

Xander: "– What??"

C: "Do you actually care about whatever lame inducement you've been offered to stay here?"

X: (Somewhat aggressively) "Yes!"

C: "Well, you know what? I don't think we're getting anything! What guarantees do we have? It's probably all a con."

Xander realised that Cordelia had stopped talking and was making odd little noises. He raised his head to see her standing on tip-toes to gradually move a camera into a new position. 

X: "What do you think you're doing?"

C: "Getting us out of here!"

X: "Are you crazy? There IS no way out of here!"

C: "Why do you always think you know everything cheese brain?"

Moving one of the beds aside and a rug, Cordelia exposed a square hatchway in the lino floor.

C: "This leads in the direction of the garden. Once you get level with the garden you have to dig and get all dirty. That's where you come in Xander."

C: "I"m all for getting dirty"

C: "With this". (She hands him a spatula).

X: "You can't dig with this. Anyway, where would we put the soil?"

C: "I don't know! Anywhere! In the pillowcases? In the cooking? – It can't taste any worse than Buffy's cooking. If you do this for me Xander, I'll be very appreciative..."

X: "When do we start?" (Peering down into the hatchway.)

X: "It is kind of dangerous around here. No harm in having a back-up plan"

C: "Right."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Day 6 (Evening) **_

The house is now in complete disarray, Its apparent that Angel has indeed become his vampiric alter-ego Angelus who is now intent on destroying any harmony left within the BBB house. So far he's managed to piss of the majority of the household, Spike included, the only exception to this is Drusilla who's quite obviously delighted to have "Daddy" back in the family fold again - she shows this in her trademark manner of dancing to unheard music and humming in an annoyingly high pitched fashion, whilst stroking her beloved Miss Edith (who appears strangely unmoved by recent developments).

So far Angelus and his remarks concerning Cordelia and Xanders illicit (or so they had believed) liasons in the closets and broom cupbpoards of the BBB house have been met with dismay (Willow), disbelief, (Giles) and disgust (the remaining housemates) - Willow was last seen running towards the girls bedroom crying followed by a concerned Oz, Xander and Cordy retreat to the Boys Bedroom where the remaining housemates are concerned to hear strange sounds eminating, however no-one wishes to "intrude" on what could be as Giles puts it "a private, and to put it quite frankly, visually disturbing moment" between the two.

They are further disturbed when an announcement from Big Brother is broadcast to the Housemates:

_This is Big Brother, could any housemates attempting any umm... unsanctioned activities at this time please refrain from doing so... and Cordelia, please return the Spatula to the kitchen - people still have to use that you know. _

Cordelia and Xander appear in the doorway looking sweaty and dishevelled - the other housemates look on, none of them wishing to speculate on what could have possibly been going on in the bedroom that would involve the newly outed couple and a spatula.. although Spike does mention that "I'd have paid money for X-Ray vision if my imagination and Cordelia lives up to fantasy."

Kendra, the newest housemate to arrive in the Buffy Big Brother House, has so far viewed proceedings with a mix of shock, disbelief and outrage. "A Slayer in love with a Vampire who pays no mind or the proper respect to her Watcher; boys and girls allowed in bedrooms _together_ and no violence allowed to the walking dead... Me Watcher would have a fit at the likes of you lot."

Drusilla stops humming and swaying long enough to sashay her way over to the second Slayer, stopping in front of her, she looks the younger girl up and down and, from the plain look on her face, finds Kendra lacking. "You would do well to hold your tongue little girl, otherwise one day someone may just come along and (she flicks her lethal fingernails within a millimetre of Kendras neck causing little blue sparks to emit from the presence of the Sanctuary Spell) take it off you for your impertinence." Kendra stands her ground, safe in the knowledge that as long as the Spell is in place no harm can come to her, of course the fact that Mr Pointy is also denied a closer look at the insane Vampires heart infuriates her. But still, a Slayer can't have everything.

Angelus has been called to the Diary Room, Buffy watches him go with an odd look on her face as if caught between resolve, regret and utter heartbreak, but still she turns towards the Girls Bedroom to go comfort Willow. She is stopped by Giles who obviously has something he'd like to discuss with his Slayer, she follows him into the kitchen where a whispered conversation is quickly entered into.

Willow and Oz are sitting on Willows bed, Oz has his arm round Willow who is trying unsuccessfully stifle her sobs.

"I'm so sorry Oz, you must think that.. well I don't know what you're thinking, I mean, when it comes to guys and the way their minds work... its fairly obvious that I wouldn't have a... I mean it's _Cordelia_... of all people,,, I mean she's... and he's.. he's the Treasurer, and founder member of the _We hate Cordelia_ Club. How _could_ he... kis... be with her...when I used to want so much.." she sobbed, starting to cry again.

Oz again tries to comfort her, suddenly and painfully aware that he's not exactly known for his verbal talents, he draws her to her feet, places an arm around her shoulders and draws her into a comforting hug. "Sometimes there's more to a guy.. or girl than you would think, we all have.." he paused trying to think how he could explain it best, "parts we hide from everyone else, but sometimes other people.. they see these parts anyhow and they want them too" he stopped aware that this is probably the longest conversation he's had since he'd entered the BBB house. He keeps his arms around her wanting to provide some small measure of comfort aware that she's hurting and as, (all of the housemates could testify), one of the things Oz does well is listen.

Willow starts to pull herself together, finally realising that, although Oz has been great with her, the way to show her interest in him isn't really by falling to pieces over her best friends betrayal with Sunnydales own self confessed " Teen Queen of Mean". She wipes her eyes, blows her nose and suggests that they "Go get some fresh air in the garden, maybe check on the chickens and...oooh, see if Mr Clucks incontinence problem has cleared up yet...", the latter sentence is said with a decidedly un-Willowlike glint in her eyes as she remembers a certain pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, bedspread and a Prada backback. They head out to the garden, passing on the way a concerned Buffy who stops mid-frantic whispered conversation with Giles to draw her friend into a hug with a promise of "Chocolate, more chocolate and _mucho_ Girl Talk" later on that evening.

Once out in the garden Oz and Willow take a minute to check out the huge full moon hanging over the garden.. both are in awe at how close it appears to be to the house as Willow says "almost like it was made just for us," she stands bathed in its glow unaware of Oz stiffening beside her as he gazes upwards...

Spike had felt frustrated and angry at being unable to attack and feed and now having to move about in a wheelchair. At first he had been really chuffed to see Angelus back. It had sickened Spike to see him as such a mewling lap-dog. No, ...wait a minute...cats mewl. Anyway, it was sickening. But now he wasn't so happy about it. Angelus was one of the few people that knew too much about Spike and could get to him. Drusilla was everything to Spike and although Angelus's atempts to wind him up were crude, they worked every time. God, if he could just get out of this &! chair, he'd show him... I killed two slayers! I can take him down a peg, or three.

Funny... Red's all upset out in the garden with wolf -boy. it should be amusing, come the full moon, with the sanctuary spell and all. Still moping after Xander Harris? That should go down well.

Without the capacity to harm them, Spike now seemed slightly preposterous to the others, but they didn't know him at all. These children, who'd only been on the planet for a matter of years annoyed him like gnats, no more. Only the slayer and the watcher needed... ... watching. He almost admired the spunk of the others. Good kids really. They'll end up getting killed in this lark. Giles ought to know that.

Ever observant to the goings on around him, Spike never missed a trick. He saw the sub-text of every look and conversation. The others saw only a cynic and a nuisance. Even Angel who knew him so well seemed to under-estimate Spike.  
Oz: "You really like him don't you?"

Willow: "It's just that me and Xander have been friends since forever and I always held a candle for him. But-"

Spike: (Singing in the kitchen) "I'm just a fool, I'm just a fool, – to keep waiting – I'm just a fool, Im just a fool"

Giles: "Shut up. You can't sing and the reference is lost on the youngsters."

Spike: "I can too!...Hey! and it's Angel that can't sing!"

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (night) **_

The sound of Spike's voice drifted through to the garden. Willow, to her amazement, found herself clenching her fists. She wanted to punch Spike. She wanted to punch Xander - not hard, but still..._oh, what the hell. Just to see the look on his stupid big-eared face when I did it. Just so he would realise that I'm not, contrary to appearances, his best bud, because I'm a girl, with girl bits and a very hard girl fist. And then I wouldn't know whether to walk off and cry or rush over and make sure he was OK. I'd probably do both. _  
Well, one thing was for sure. At this year's AGM of the We Hate Cordelia Club, Xander would kiss his vice-presidency _goodbye_.   
"Sorry, Oz," Willow sighed, abruptly realising that she'd ignored her companion while these thoughts rattled through her. She glanced across at him. "Oz? Is everything alright?"  
He was leaning forward slightly, clutching his stomach. "Gotta say, not really," Oz replied, sounding out of breath.  
Willow stayed calm in typical Willow-like fashion; namely, by shooting to her feet, dancing a mini-jig of anxiety, thumping Oz on the back -   
"Ow!"  
"Sorry! I'm so sorry!"  
- and finally settling for standing beside her new friend, her arms around his shoulders (which, she noted at some deep conscious level, were surprisingly broad).  
"You're sick!" Willow despaired. "You're sick because I'm putting you under too much stress, aren't I?! I'm coming on too strong!"  
Oz lacked the energy to properly dismiss this. "Will..." he winced, as a fresh twinge shot through him, "relax...probably just something I ate."  
"But _I_ cooked today!" Willow wailed.  
"Yesterday, the_nnnnnaaaargh_," Oz's voice trailed off into a guttural growl of pain. Arms wrapped around his sides, he tumbled off the garden bench, hitting the ground with a painful thump before Willow could react.  
"Don't move, Ox! I'll get help!" Willow promised him, turning and running into the house in a panic. "Buffy! Buffy, come quick…"   
----  
"I can't go. I'm sorry."  
Giles stared at his Slayer in puzzlement. "We _need_ to talk, Buffy. Now more than ever you need my guidance. This situation has gone far beyond-"  
"Giles," Buffy interrupted him gently, but no less firmly, her eyes locked on Angelus as he closed the door of the Diary Room, "trust me, _this situation_ is about to be contained."  
And with that, she hugged him fiercely, and walked toward the door.  
----  
It was Cosmetics Hour for Cordelia. Ordinarily only a thermonuclear war of global proportions - i.e. not one merely confined to unfashionable countries - could have prevented the inevitability of this ritual from happening. Tonight, she sat on the edge of her bed, her makeup an incredible four hours old, and simply stared into the middle distance.  
She never heard the very soft, almost inaudible hum of a tiny portal materialising into life across the room, depositing a small and tightly wrapped package on the floor between Willow and Buffy's beds.  
The label on the front said simply: _From Jenny. If all else fails. __  
_----   
"_Good evening, Angelus._"   
Angelus replied by putting his fist through the mirror. "Those things bug me," he confessed to no-one in particular. "I don't like the whole non-existence symbolism. I drink, therefore I am. The vampire codex. Now what do you want?"  
"Your release upon the household has not gone unnoticed by Big Brother."   
"Cut the crap," Angelus replied, sitting heavily in the Diary Room chair and scanning the room intently for the source of the voice. "You know what I think, mysterious disembodied yet oh-so-sultry voice? I think my release has gone unnoticed by Big Brother. I think we're dealing with an absentee landlord and you're the stand-in until it returns. Why else would it need you? What other purpose would you serve, apart from giving Giles un-librarian like thoughts..." Angelus shivered, "I mean, I'm over two centuries old, but the thought of that guy gettin jiggy...it's just plain wrong, ne-c'est pas?"  
"_You like to talk, don't you Angelus?_"   
"Not really. Torturing is way more fun," and Angelus sighed with nostalgic longing, "but I haven't done that since that little gypsy tramp, and she wasn't even fun. You know some people can live their whole _lives_ with one lung? She barely lasted five minutes. I think it was seeing it used for firewood that finally did it."  
No response came. Second after second dribbled past. Eventually Angelus chuckled softly. "I thought I recognised that accent. Give my love to the clan now, won't you?"  
"_Burn in Hell._"   
The portal that Buffy stepped through hours previously reopened. Now, however, it was removing the element of choice it had presented. Angelus' hand whipped out faster than humanly possible, anchoring him to the elaborate armrests of the Diary Room chair. The portal's maw tugged at his feet. He gritted his teeth with the strain, the muscles in his arm standing out like steel rods. A howl of frustration began to escape his lips.  
_Ping. Ping. Ping._   
Angelus watched in horror as the heavy steel screws soldering the Diary Room chair to the floor came loose. For another fraction of a second he hung there, suspended by his own inhuman strength alone, before the portal claimed him and the chair both, swallowing them whole.  
At that exact moment, the door to the Diary Room opened to reveal Buffy Anne Summers, vampire Slayer, ready to plunge herself after her former lover and end this nightmare once and for all. Buffy faced the portal, at the very periphery of its terrible gravity, her hair streaming out before her, Jenny's stake clutched so tightly in her right hand that it was in danger of becoming kindling. It was a perfect image.  
It would also be the last time for quite a while that something went to plan.  
"_Hurry, Buffy..._" Jenny's voice implored her.  
"I'm there," Buffy assured her, taking another step forward.  
"Buffy!" Willow's voice came suddenly. "Buffy, come quick! It's Oz! Oz is really sick!"  
Buffy hesitated. She turned. Willow was at the door, ashen-faced.  
And behind her, running and bounding at a terrifying speed, was a werewolf in the full throes of bloodlust.  
"_Willow_!" Buffy screamed, launching herself at her friend. The Diary Room portal stuttered and died, forgotten.  
Frying some hot ribs in the kitchen, Spike took the time to peek out and see the Slayer (shoving Willow out of the way) and the werewolf meet head-on.  
"They'll do anything for viewers," he muttered, and began looking for the garlic.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (night) **_

"Janna!"   
Rain dripped off her nose. She sank deeper into the greenery around her, wishing it would swallow her whole. In her tight, stubby-fingered grasp, Pascal's fur was getting damp. _Protect me_, she silently implored her constant companion, _keep me hidden, Pascal, and I'll dry you out tonight. Don't get sick like Mother, please. I need you. __  
_Pascal didn't reply. She thought this a good omen. Her friends toys were chatterboxes, after all - airheaded, useless. Little Janna disapproved of them. The other girls treated her with respect because of who she was, the position her family occupied. She was not liked, however. This suited her just fine.  
A hand came down on her shoulder, smelling of pipe smoke and alcohol. Janna squealed in fright, but to no avail. She was picked up, struggling, and carried like a sack of particularly irritable potatoes back to the caravan her family occupied. Bare moments later she was deposited in the chair from which she'd bolted but five minutes previously, sodden with rain and tears.  
Her captor leaned toward her face. Janna recoiled in fear and distaste. "Do not," her uncle whispered, "do that again."  
"I don't _want_ to go!" she wailed. "Want to stay here, with Nan!"   
Her words fell on deaf ears. "You are going to America. Your feelings on this are no matter," her uncle insisted, his accent thick with conviction. "He has been seen there. Do you understand? I must keep the watch over him and, since you are _my_ responsibility now," and she could hear the disgust in his voice, "you are coming with me."  
"But uncle," Janna sobbed, "why is it so important? I don't see _why_-"   
The slap rang out very loud in the caravan.  
"One day," her uncle hissed, "perhaps you will not have to ask that question. I pray you never see it."  
----  
Angelus opened his eyes, astonished that they were still intact. Shouldn't Hell have claimed him by now? Shouldn't he already be suffering the eternal agonies - watching endless _Love Boat_ reruns while dressed in tweed, or forced to play the part of one of the children in _The Sound Of Music_ (the most convincing argument for fascism he'd ever seen)?  
This wasn't Hell. This was - he realised, as he sat up and rubbed perfunctorily at the ache in his head where he'd slammed into the wall - another Big Brother house. _Close_, he grunted. Someone less observant might have thought themselves not to have moved at all, but it was clear to him that this living area he'd impacted had never been lived in.  
So the question was, why hadn't he been sent to Hell?  
"Hello...?" he called cheerily. "Anyone in? Three little pigs? Anyone?"  
----   
In the girls bedroom of the empty house, Jenny was cowering in the largest wardrobe, her entire body trembling. The Hell portal couldn't be activated anywhere but the entrance circle in the living area, and sure, she could have switched it on, but it would have taken everyone - Buffy, Willow, Kendra, _Giles_ - along with Angelus. She couldn't live with that.  
She could hear him moving. The spectral image of her uncle remained in her mind, scolding her for being so weak, so foolish. _This is not justice, Janna. This is vengeance_. It had been his motto. It had also summed up the man. He was a throwback to a more brutal age - the same age that the creature which now stalked outside had come from.  
He would find her. She knew in her heart that this was true. Her scent was scattered all over the house, and she had dived in here barely sixty seconds ago. Why hadn't Buffy gone through as she'd promised? Kendra could have handled the werewolf. More than that, the Slayer had stolen her stake - something she'd only discovered when the awful realisation that she was alone with Angelus had-  
He was getting closer. She could feel him now. Was this some genetic memory from her long-dead ancestor? Janna wondered if the foolish girl, wandering from the safety of her clan's caravan that night, had suspected what a legacy her death would leave.  
_You're going to die, Janna_, her uncle taunted her.  
_Maybe_, she retorted, with sudden strength, _but not like this._

Angelus paused to sniff the air. Buffy had been here, no question of that. She'd talked for some time with someone else, someone whose scent he didn't recognise. That scent carpeted the house around him. He allowed his nose to follow the lingering trail as it headed in a beeline for...  
"Hello, Angelus."  
To his surprise, the owner of the scent walked boldly toward him, emerging from the entrance of one of the bedrooms. His suspicions had indeed been accurate - she bore the unmistakable arrogant air of the Calderash clan, the gypsy sect which had brought about his unwanted ensoulment over a century ago.  
"You don't look like her."  
"I know. Her likeness hangs at the head of our family's table." Jenny smiled thinly. "They painted her with two eyes and two lungs, not as you left her."  
Angelus accepted this apparent compliment with a modest shrug. "Well, accuracy and appetite wouldn't have gone together, would they."  
"You're wondering where you are."  
"Actually I'm wondering if your people still taste of elderberries."  
"Go ahead," Jenny waved him on, indicating the flesh of her neck, "be my guest. You'll get no more success here than back where you came from. But it'll be fun to watch."  
"Was there a bulk discount on Sanctuary spells this quarter?" Angelus complained in disgust. "Just wait until I get my hands on those Furies. I can't believe I let them off last time..." he trailed off, apparently lost in the memory, before a small chuckle escaped his lips, "...wait, maybe I can. " Angelus grinned and winced slightly, "it's at times like this when the decision to switch to tight leather pants comes back to haunt ya."  
"On the plus side, Cordelia still doesn't know who stole her eyeliner."   
"That's right," Angelus said, snapping his fingers. "You can see whatever we do in there, can't you? Now why would the all-powerful Big Brother," he snorted, barely able to keep the contempt from his voice, but to Jenny's ear it rang slightly hollow, "need a scrawny little soul-bag like you to keep the show running? And what's with this other house setup anyway?"   
"Glad you asked. Follow me." Jenny indicated the hallway which led to the other bedrooms and, in this house at least, to her small control room, filled to the brim with camera monitors, sound relays...and portal control switches.  
One of which would open up the failsafe portal, right in the control room itself. She had no idea how the knowledge of how to operate the control room had arrived in her brain - it had just been there from the moment she had arrived. Only one other person, apart from the mysterious Big Brother, knew what she did.  
All of that didn't matter. She was going to throw that switch and take her and Angelus wherever it led them, be it Hell or otherwise, as long as it was away from here.  
To her amazement, Angelus obediently began following her, trotting along the corridor behind her. Her heart was pounding not only with fear now, but with exhiliration; despite how much she'd despised her uncle, a part of her had always longed to fulfil the most long-standing desire of her people; to see the monster Angelus dead, at long last. Now, that goal was within her grasp...  
"Run."

Jenny felt herself freeze. She forced herself to turn around, bade every single rebelling nerve ending in her body to calm down. "What?"   
Angelus' expression was impassive. "Run. I like it better when they run. Oh you didn't think that little performance fooled me, did you? Let me tell you something about the human heartbeat, gypsy; when you have nothing to fear, it shouldn't really be topping one hundred and twenty...hot..._delicious_...beats, should it?"  
With that, he vamped out. Seeing him like that, as he must have looked to her long-dead clanmember all those decades ago as he lay feasting above her, Jenny felt her fragile thread of confidence snap altogether. Turning tail, she fled in the direction of the control room. If she could-  
An arm thumped across her shoulders, sending her off-balance and crashing into the wall. She tasted blood in her mouth as she crumpled to the ground, her left shoulder already throbbing where Angelus had swatted her mid-run. Opening her eyes, gasping with pain, she saw him crouch above her, saw the terrible hunger in his eyes.  
"Sorry ladies and gentlemen, looks like sale season is well and truly o-"  
Her hand lashed out, not in blind panic, but for a precise target.  
Jenny grabbed those leather trousers and _squeezed_.   
"_-ooooooooooovugh!_"   
She kicked Angelus in the head as he slumped, extremely carefully, to the ground. Absurdly, impossibly, he was laughing as he hit the floor. She didn't waste time wondering about it. The control room was hers in two, three, four long desperate strides.  
_Door door door door - __  
_Angelus' arm snaked around it as she tried to slam it shut. Gritting her teeth, screaming for all she was worth, Jenny threw herself at the barrier, the only thing keeping her alive. A yelp of pain from outside, and the arm was gone. She pounced on the locking mechanism, thanking the stars that Big Brother had made it a standard fixture of every room.  
Safe.  
_Thump_. The door shook on its hinges. _Thump_. This one was even harder.  
"Comin' to getcha, lil' piggy!"   
Jenny scrabbled frantically amongst the four control panels for the failsafe button. By the time she pressed it, she knew, Angelus would have broken down the door. Good for him. He'd be unable to stop himself being pulled through another portal - and this one _would_ be to Hell.  
There it was. She'd found it. Behind her, the door splintered, able to withstand maybe one more hit before it gave way.   
No matter. She pressed the button, just as Angelus burst through, fangs exposed, arms and hands outstretched, reaching-  
"_No emergency exists. Failsafe aborted_."   
The last few seconds of Jenny Calendar's life began with Angelus seizing her neck in his hand. She was propelled backward onto the control panel, her final scream dying on her lips as he cut off her oxygen supply.  
_Forgive me, Giles_, she thought.  
Angelus snapped her neck a half-second later.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (night)**_

When Willow had time to think about it, much later, it made a strange kind of sense. They'd known from early on in the first week that chickens were exempt from the Sanctuary spell - the Master had devoured several in his hunger. Likewise it seemed that the spell was negated the other way - Mr Cluck had been able to express his affections for the housemates, after all (she'd assured Xander that the finger would regain proper motion soon).

However, it was amazing how all of this logical thought failed to go through her mind when she first saw Buffy and the creature meet head-on. There was sudden chaos in the living area. Willow had been shoved aside by Buffy - a move that she now realised had probably saved her life - and now was cowering amidst the seating area as the Slayer battled the newcomer.

The sound of the fight attracted everyone from their rooms. No-one as yet noticed the absence of Angelus.

No-one except Giles.

Buffy was in serious trouble. She was trying to fight this thing - my God, Willow realised, it's a _werewolf _- as if it were a vampire. A humanoid, in other words, which relied on fists and feet. She wasn't prepared to be simply bowled over in a primal charge, the werewolf snarling and yowling as it knocked her to the ground, its teeth baring down on her exposed chest-

"Hi-_yuh_!"

It was Kendra, proving her Slayer status by arriving in the nick of time. A well-placed boot had the werewolf sprawling across the floor...

...right towards Willow.

It was up and on its feet in a second, snarling, looking for the nearest target at which to launch yet another vicious assault. Willow crawled backwards, too terrified to run, wide-eyed and staring as the great hulking beast turned its head toward her. She found herself eye-to-eye with it for the briefest of moments.

"No..." she breathed, horrified at what she saw.

It was about to spring to her when it was caught by another broadside, this time a double Slayer whammy as both Buffy and Kendra thumped themselves into the body of the animal. Willow, trembling, tears filling her eyes, felt arms pick her up and carry her to relative safety by the kitchen. She glanced up at her rescuer.

"I gotcha," Xander assured her. "C'mon, you're alright now. This thing's about to be dog meat."

"No!" Willow replied, trying to struggle out of his grasp. He was almost too astonished to resist. "Xander, she can't kill it!"

"Why?"

Spike poked his head out from the kitchen. "For Gods sake," he complained, "can't a guy get his hot wings in peace? Xander, that "thing" out there is Oz."

Xander snorted in disbelief. "No way. Oz, a werewolf? We would have noticed."

"I _told _you those hairs in the plughole weren't mine," came Spike's voice.

"It's true," Willow said, "I saw it in his eyes, Xander. I know it's him, you have to let me _go_," and with that she was finally free of him, and hadn't even time to ponder the underlying significance of all this.

Buffy had to admit it - Kendra made a pretty good Slayer. So she might have been _slightly _jealous when the new girl arrived, with her perfect ritual recital and her love-me-Giles attitude...but since then, she'd seen enough to realise that Kendra was just a kinda lonely girl. Rearrange her DNA slightly and get rid of that odd accent (actually, those four odd accents) and she could have been Buffy Summers, circa one year ago.

They had the werewolf backed into the corner, each Slayer wielding their stakes, ready to administer the decisive blow. Buffy was well aware that legend had it only a silver weapon could do the job. _Maybe no-one's ever given wood its fair shot_, she thought grimly, steeling herself to make the final attack, _twenty or thirty tries should do it-_

"Buffy, _no!_"

For the second time in less than five minutes, Buffy found herself distracted at the last possible moment by Willow's voice. Her opponent wasn't about to miss an opportunity like that. It leapt, not at her but above her, towards the garden, trying to make its escape. Buffy saw her chance. The exposed belly of the werewolf was right above her head. One thrust with the stake would cripple it.

She couldn't do it. Something deep inside her was going to prevent her, some instinct which made her trust Willow's request, no matter how crazy it sounded.

"_Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!_"

_Whump_. Barely one hundred pounds of wailing Willow smacked full-on into her. Buffy tasted floor. Again. _Thanks, Will_, she thought, as the breath exploded from her body. They went down in a tangle of arms and legs as the creature bounded across the living area and leapt into the garden, vanishing into the twilight beyond in an instant.

There was silence, except for the faintest of _pings_. Spike politely moved Xander out of the way, a plate of hot steaming chicken wings held reverentially in his hands. The eyes of everyone in the room followed him as he made his way, oblivious, to the seating area.

From outside, a werewolf howled.

"Amen to that," Spike said, and bit deeply into his first wing.

----

Giles was missing. No-one had even noticed until the commotion had died down. Some time during the chaos he had vanished. The only place they hadn't yet searched was the garden, for obvious reasons. Buffy knew in her heart he wasn't there, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he was in trouble. For now, though, they had more pressing matters...

"_Oz_?" Buffy said, disbelievingly.

Willow was in tears. "I don't understand it either. But it's him."

"Oh it's him all right," Spike agreed. They'd called an emergency council based around the living area, and he seemed to be enjoying squatting in the middle of it. Kendra stood guard at the sliding glass doors, ready to swat any large and hairy gatecrashers. "You can smell it, you know. Near a full moon, anyway. Something about them gives it away."

"You knew?" Buffy rounded on him angrily. "And you said nothing?"

Spike almost choked on a chicken wing. "Sorry - did I miss the part where I go _look out gang, he might spoil our jolly picnic? _I'm _evil_, you stupid bint. I was hoping he'd give into the Hairy Side of the Force and take out a few of you simpering nancies with him."

"How did it happen?" Willow said, talking to herself as much as the group, her stomach churning. She wanted to go to him, or to go hide in her room, but knew she could do neither. "Was it the reason he was brought here? The connection?"

Xander's expression was dark. "Maybe it was done to him after he got here. A little surprise from Big Psycho Bro?"

"Oh my God," Buffy said suddenly, her face white. "Jenny..."

----

When the then as-yet-unidentified werewolf had burst through into the living area, Giles had been in his room, looking over the notes he'd made after his conversations with Jenny, trying to piece together the puzzle that his mind was telling him had a pattern. Angelus' appearance hadn't been random. A being as powerful as Big Brother couldn't have failed to know about the curse.

Jenny knew more than she was prepared to tell him. Of that much he was certain. Something had transpired between her and Buffy a few hours ago. Giles was coming to the conclusion that he was being left out of the loop.

And then came the scream.

The voice, transmitted to the room via the Big Brother comm, was Jenny's. At the end of the scream the voice had trailed off, gurgled slightly, as if oxygen had abruptly been severed. Giles found himself suddenly unable to breathe, as if in sympathy. In a dreamlike state, awful realisation clawing at his heart, he snatched up a page of the notes and began running.

No-one saw him as he charged through the living area. He registered the werewolf battling the Slayers dimly, dismissed it - they could handle it. The Diary Room was empty when he opened the door, as he'd known it would be. Angelus was gone.

Bare moments later, so was Giles.

**_Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 6 (Night)_**

The gang had finally decided on a plan of action, Buffy and Kendra were going to head out to the garden to see if they could capure "the werewolf formerly known as Oz" as Spike, oh so wittily (well he thought so) put it. Buffy had to make many assurances to a distraught Willow regarding the "totally humane and breakage free" capture of Oz.

The two Slayers headed for the patio doors that would take them out into the moonlit garden, Buffy supposed that the full moon was good for one thing - a 6 foot werewolf in the first throes of lune-lust wasn't really going to have anyplace to hide amongst the plants and shrubberies. She turned to Willow just before they headed outside and tried to give her what she hoped was an encouraging smile although even to her it felt twisted "I promise you Will, we'll find it... Oz" she was still having a hard time reconciling the snarling, brutish animal with the eternally laid back musician she was coming to know. "And we'll bring him back to you - unharmed" the latter was said with a look at Kendra, the younger Slayer having so far argued in her ever changing accent that "Bringing a wild animal back into the house is dangerous to us all - your Watcher should have something to say about this." However as Giles was nowhere to be seen despite the earlier commotion, his input would have to remain unheard for the time being.

Buffy had got as far as the doors when her attention was caught by the immensely disturbing sight in front of her, running full tilt towards the patio where she and Kendra were standing was one incredibly mad werewolf. Even more disturbing was the fact the werewolf was in turn being chased towards the house by an insane vampire who could be plainly heard through the glass calling plaintively for the "Nice puppy, here puppy come and play with Mummy and look Miss Edith wants to play with the puppy too." She was indeed waving the blindfolded, porcelain doll madly above her head as if the mere sight of Miss Edith would cajole the reticent werewolf into play.

Drusilla, who had been happily minding her own business out in the garden listening to the "music of the stars and laughter of the moon," for the previous hour had been delighted when the irate werewolf had found his way into the garden. Although never bored, (after all have you ever met an insane person thats not happy mingling with their multiple personalities), she was longing for a different type of excitement and though the return of Angelus to her was much appreciated, (she was planning to thank Big Brother... and come to think of it Buffy too for that surprise package), she still needed more stimulation what with Spike in a wheelchair and unable to "play" to her (or for her) satisfaction, she needed more than was currently available to her. Plus the fact that she wasn't allowed to bite, maim or kill any of the other housemates was becoming an increasingly bitter source of disgust to her.

Now though she was becoming enraged, the puppy refused to play with her or Miss Edith and disobediance like this just would not, could not be tolerated anymore. Not even registering the housemates behind the closed doors or their horrified expressions she continued heading the werewolf towards the house determined to get her own way.

The wolf hit the patio doors full on, it took the combined strength of Buffy and Kendra to hold them closed and thankfully the glass took the impact without shattering. The two girls watched in amazement as Drusilla then grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and whacked him over the snout with Miss Edith, much as someone would with a disobedient puppy to try and stop it peeing on the carpet. The wolf howled and tried in vain to bite the vampire but Drusilla, her insanity and anger fueling her already immense vampire strength was more than a match. She again raised Miss Edith above her head and brought it down with a resounding Thwack" on the werewolfs head, he staggered, stumbled then fell the the floor, unconscious for the moment. Drusilla stepped back and regarded him for a moment "See what happens to bad puppies who won't play nicely with Mummy and Miss Edith... they get put to sleep."

Before she could inflict further damage on the prone werewolf Buffy quickly interceded she was followed outside by Willow who dropped to her knees to inspect the damage. Now the danger was over, (well in this crisis anyhow), the housemates had to make some quick decisions regarding the confinement of the wolf. It was agreed finally that they would us the vampires bedroom to hold him in as it was the only one with "good old fashioned chains and manacles." It took Kendra a full 5 minutes of wondering and further 10 of blushing when she realised why Spike and Drusilla would have been given a room with manacles and chains sufficient to hold a werewolf once awakened.

Under the watchful eye of Buffy, Drusilla lifted the werewolf with ease and took him into her bedroom, where said items of restraint were immediately put to good use. The rest of the housemates retired to the living area Xander comforted Willow, assuring her that they could sort it out in the morning, Kendra and Cordelia, (who had finished her marathon make-up session and had entered the living room just in time to see Drusilla whack "what looked like a big, hairy sasquatch with that evil demon dolly of hers,") went into the kitchen for a chocolate fix.

Werewolf / Oz crisis averted Buffy headed off to the Diary Room with Crisis 2 to attend to, she only had a moment to hope that she would have the strength both mentally and emotionally to do what she had promised Jenny.


	7. Day 7

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (morning)**_

"He's coming around...and around...ooo, he'll have _such _a sore head, I shouldn't think, the poor lamby. Can Mummy kiss it all better?"

"No, Mummy can't."

Oz wondered at the voices, even as consciousness swam blearily in front of his eyes. His body felt odd. He had the strangest itches in the strangest places...and the strangest feeling that, despite what almost twenty years of experience had taught him, those itches were within his reach.

There was a _hiss _from somewhere in the great beyond above him. "Nasty girl," the first voice said, managing somehow to growl in a singsong voice. Belatedly he recognised it as Drusilla's.

"Back off," snarled the second voice. This was a Slayer's tone, solid as a rock, undeterred in the slightest by the threat from the vampire. It was, of course-

"Willow?" Oz managed, and then wished he hadn't. His head was throbbing painfully. Had this been a cartoon, he would have fully expected little men with disconcertingly enormous mallets to be bashing him around the skull with gay abandon. Nonetheless, he had been right - astoundingly, that steely voice belonged to none other than Willow.

"Sssh," she said, and Oz's eyes finally managed to bring the world into focus around her.

"As a cure for hangovers," he said weakly, "you don't suck."

Willow bit her lip. "Oz-" she began, but it was too late. Oz's had already tried to stir from where he lay, and had run into the most obvious obstacle.

"Oh. Chains," he noted, "well, that was unexpected." His head moved to take in the whole scene. "Chains...and I'm in Drusilla's room. I'm chained to Drusilla's bed, and my body hurts all over."

"It's not what you think," Willow said.

"Really?"

"Oh, no way - you're a werewolf!" Willow said, in a _that's all _jollytone.

There was a moment of silence as Oz absorbed this. "Well," he said slowly, thinking of the weird compulsion to scratch out-of-reach places, "that would explain the urges..."

Drusilla cackled gleefully and clapped her hands together. Willow blushed. Oz was about to clarify that statement when Spike wheeled in from outside the room. From his expression, he'd been eavesdropping.

"Get the mutt out of here," he said. "This room stinks enough as it is."

Willow began untying Oz. As soon as his hand had enough movement, he closed it around her arm.

She flinched.

"I'm sorry, Will," he said softly.

"You didn't know."

"Did I hurt any-"

"No," she replied, and he knew she was hiding something. "Buffy stopped you."

"Stopped me? Stopped me from what?"

"It doesn't matter, OK? Let's just get you out of this room. I don't even want to _know _what _that _thing is for."

"That's my naughty bad girl seat."

"Thank you, Drusilla."

"When I've been bad I sits on it and spins round and round and-"

"_Thank you,_" Willow repeated, looking ill. She untied the last of Oz's bonds. He sat up on the bed, their eyes meeting. She glanced away, to his obvious disappointment.

Off to one side, Spike rolled his eyes.

"Willow, I can't remember anything. If I hurt you - if I _tried _to, I-"

"It's fine, Oz."

"Willow-"

"Oh for the love of God!" Spike exclaimed, startling everyone in the room. "I can't take any bloody more of this. Red, anything a werewolf does has nothing to do with their human side. He'd have attacked his dear old Mum last night and ripped her limb from limb, never mind you, so stop sodding moping. Oz, she likes you. Whooppee. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get into my room before the sun _bloody_ rises and turns my just-about-on-the-verge-of-_bloody_-vomiting-vampire body to _bloody, sodding, oh God I hate humans_ dust. OK?!"

Another moment's silence greeted the conclusion to this rant.

"Someone's going on the naughty chair..."

"Shut _up_, Dru!"

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (morning)**_

Xander was having his own awakening. They'd been up well into last night with the various goings-on; hence his eyes ungluing themselves from their eyelids reluctantly. He'd fallen asleep, eventually, spreadeagled over the largest sofa. Not that he would have admitted it of course but the thought of going back to the boys bedroom had not appealed - Giles was missing, presumed God knew what and Angelus was similarly gone (and how they _wanted _to presume him dead, but knew better). At least last week he'd only had to deal with waking up to the Master eyeing his neck like a dog would a pork chop.

Voices came from Spike and Dru's room. Oz was up, he guessed. He'd been there last night when they'd strapped him in. Drusilla's sharp blow had sufficed only to stun him momentarily, barely long enough for them to strap him in (he shivered - despite the prodigious size of his porno collection outside this house, he _never _wanted to see what the Big Brother cameras had recorded inside that room). Oz - the werewolf Oz - had struggled mightily against his bonds. Kendra had been on hand to stun him again when required. He'd expected Buffy to do it, but Buff-

Seconds later he was at the door of the Diary Room, his heart thundering in his chest. Two people had gone in there and not come back out. If Buffy had followed suit, they were all up a certain creek without a certain instrument.

No. She was there, squatting down on the floor, her back against the wall. Her eyes flitted to him as he stood there, but otherwise the vacancy of her expression chilled him.

"Buffy," he said, still exhaling, "for a minute there I thought you'd gone and _Marie Celeste_'d us too."

She grunted. It was an odd sound. "Been here all night."

"Hey, I know Cordelia might snore a...actually I don't know," he amended quickly, lest she get the wrong idea, "but throwing down here can't have been comfortable..."

"Comfortable?" she echoed bitterly. "You think I actually tried to _sleep_?"

Ouch. He'd walked into that one. Xander squatted down to his hunches, and realised for the first time since he'd opened the door what state his friend was in. Buffy looked like she'd stepped off the set of a George A. Romero flick. She hadn't been kidding about the sleep thing.

He reached out, laid his hand on her arm. She still refused to remove her gaze from the mirror - or rather, Xander noted with puzzlement, where the mirror had previously hung. It was gone now.

"Buffy, we'll figure this out."

"He's gone. They're both gone, Xander. How could I have let this happen? He's my _Watcher_."

"He's a grown man," Xander reminded her. "If he went through here, through this mysterious portal of yours - which we're not even sure he did - then he knew the risks he was taking. I mean, c'mon; this is _Giles _we're talking about here. The guy had elbow patches on his romper suit. The last rash thought he had was...well, probably when he was in that suit, and even _that_ was down to the tweed diaphers."

Success. A tiny smile, a grinlet, tugged at the corner of her mouth. It faded a second later. "Angelus..." she said, "he's done something. If not to Giles, then at least to Jenny. I _know_ it."

Xander stiffened at the mention of the name. Buffy saw it. "If that's true, then it just makes what you have to do easier."

"You think so?"

"I think so."

"I loved him."

He was speechless. Though he'd known it, known it at some level for quite some time now, he'd skirted mentally around it. It was astonishing how raw the pain was, how much he hated that bastard Angel. But now, now it was beyond jealousy; her eyes, so full of hurt and betrayal, made Xander vow that if he ever got the chance, there'd be one more puff of dust and one more rapidly decomposing skeleton in the world.

"You loved Angel," he said, finding it incredibly hard to even say the words. "This isn't Angel we're dealing with."

"You think so?"

"Dammit, Buffy!" he said, suddenly red-faced and angry. "Of course I don't think so, and you _know_ it."

She looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time. "I'm sorry. What makes it hard, Xander, what makes it so damn hard...is that you're right. But not how you think. I can't explain it. I didn't fall in love with a murderer. I fell in love with a good man. And that good man..." she trembled a little, "...he's still in there. But now he's a part of the whole thing, the complete monster. He knows me, Xander. He's able to get inside me because...because he _was_."

"_Darn tootin' I was - and I don't mean to put myself down...but the words 'pencil' and 'cave' would definitely be appropriate. Wouldn't ya say, champ?_"

Xander expected this to push Buffy, already teetering on the brink of tears, over the edge. He felt his own stomach turn to ice, his teeth grit, his hands ball into fists, ready to leap to Buffy's-

"Go _bleep _yourself, Angelus," Buffy said pleasantly.

-defence.

Buffy blinked, surprised. "What the _bleep_?" she said. "I can't say _bleep_?"

"_Apparently bleeping not_," Angelus' voice sounded again over the Big Brother link. "_Yet another interesting facet of the Sanctuary spell surrounding your jolly little household. Man, that was really getting old, don't you think? Now, THIS place is much better._ _Wish I had a little more company to share it with._"

Buffy smiled thinly. "Send me a portal and I'll grant that wish."

"_Hmm...it's tempting, but not yet, slugger. Not just yet. You know what they say about company and crowds...both of us are quite happy over here._"

The determined set to Buffy's jaw started to slip. "I'm going to k-"

"_Housemates, this is Big Brother_," Angelus continued breezily as if the Slayer hadn't spoken. From the echoes, and from the gasp he heard from outside, Xander guessed that this announcement was being broadcast to the entire house. "_Your task for this week - a guessing game. Guess who I'm torturing. The good news is - because I killed one of them, you've got a fifty-fifty chance of getting it right; Giles, or Jenny? _

Xander gasped. Buffy's eyes shone with tears.

"_Now for the boring bit - the rules. If you get it wrong, I kill...oops, almost gave it away...I kill whoever it is I'm now skewering with a blunt object. If you get it right...well done you! You've earned them a few more hours pain._"

Buffy staggered unsteadily out of the Diary Room. Still stunned by what he was hearing, Xander took a second to register her absence before moving to follow her. Willow and Oz were there, Oz holding Willow as she wept quietly, bitterly onto his shoulder. Cordelia and Kendra were there too. Xander's eyes met Cordelia's for a second. He was gratified by what he saw there; gone, temporarily at least, was the vacuous popularity-monger, replaced by someone who stepped forward to support Buffy as she stumbled once again.

Spike was silent.

Drusilla was enraptured with joy.

"_I suppose you need a spokesperson...mmm, who better than the Chosen One. She looks up for this sort of responsibility, doesn't she?_"

Their eyes, as one, moved to Buffy.

"It's Giles. You're torturing Giles."

Silence met her. Xander felt sure the sound of his heartbeat had prevented Buffy's words from reaching the hidden microphones.

"_Swing and a hit for the Slayer. Giles it is. Jenny would like to have participated, but what with her neck being kindling, she's finding it hard. As for dear old Giles...well I'm sure he'd love to thank you, but he's busy at the moment._"

There was a noise, and a muffled screaming.

"_Oh, that reminds me. Could Drusilla come to the Diary Room? And please, housemates, for the sake of your old buddy Giles, let her go alone. I really don't want to have him clutter up the place like his dead girlfriend before I'm good and ready. Big Brother...out_."

Deathly quiet followed, each person there - with the exception of Dru, already heading for the Diary Room door in delight - alone with their own grief and shock.

_"Incidentally,_" Angelus' voice came again, _"isn't it just so weird hearing your own voice on tape like this...?_"

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (morning)**_

"Drusilla!"

"Yes, Spike?" she turned, even as his arms strained from trying to keep up with this damn wheelchair. She was practically inside the Diary Room already, her cheeks flushed with excitement. Well, alright. Maybe not. But had she been alive, Spike was sulkily sure, they probably would have been.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Daddy wants us, Spike. He called. He's got that horrible book man and we're going to have such _fun _with him. Didn't you hear? It was glorious. Look at them," she nodded her head, and Spike glanced back at the emotionally decimated Scoobies, "they're proper afraid of us again, like it should be."

To Spike's eyes, they didn't look particularly terrified. He watched as the Slayer and the redhead began intense, low conversation. "Whatever luv," he said dismissively. "But if you're going in there, you're not going alone."

Drusilla purred seductively, leaning down and running her hand over his face. "My protector," she cooed, staring into his eyes, "come on then. Come with Mummy."

"Stop bloody saying that!"

The Diary Room was empty. Spike rolled his chair forward...and found himself with a problem. With Drusilla inside, there simply wasn't room for him to join her. She flapped her arms in sudden alarm, making that low moaning noise she specialised in to show her discontent at this.

"Relax," he assured her, holding the door open and jamming the chair against it like a doorstop, "I'll be right here."

"_Drusilla?_"

"I'm here."

"We _both_ are," Spike added, with as much menace as he could muster.

"_Spike. Good to hear from you. I was just thinking I could use an extra hand to cripple the opposition._"

Spike muttered something. There were a series of soft _bleeps _from his direction. He'd never realised it when they rampaged through Europe together with Darla in tow, but Angelus was a royal pain in the arse. Spike knew now why vampires found it so hard to form any sort of coherent common group.

"_I need help with the librarian. He knows how to run this entire operation - his little informer bitch told him in those chats they had. This won't hurt a bit..._"

With that, the mini-portal opened.

Spike's eyes widened as the gravity well took hold. "Oh, _shitttttttt_..."

Buffy waited until Drusilla and Spike had ran and wheeled to a reasonably safe distance. Then, with a few economical movements, she clamped her hands around Xander and Willow's wrists and forced them into what she hoped would be an innocent-looking huddle.

"I'm done with crying," she said simply. "Jenny's dead, Angelus has Giles, and we're stranded here with nothing to fight and a Sanctuary spell up our ass. Comments?"

"If he can make broadcasts," Willow replied instantly, "then he might have control over the portals too."

Xander jumped slightly, veering away from the entrance circle which he'd been standing perilously close to. "I'm not real big on being sent through that thing," he said.

"I don't think he can control that one," Buffy mused. "If he could, he would have used it by now."

("Hey," Oz said, raising a hand in greeting.

"Hello," Kendra replied, a trifle awkwardly.)

"And risk those two getting sucked in?" Willow said, inclining her head in the direction of Spike and Dru, who by now had reached the Diary Room door. Buffy glanced over at Spike. They eyeballed each other for a second across the room.

"I don't think Angelus could care less about them."

("That's a nice stake," Oz offered.

Kendra bowed slightly, obviously trying to think of some compliment to offer in return.

"You have...a very glossy coat."

"Thanks.")

"He's torturing Giles for the information," Xander guessed. "That's the reason he's being kept alive. Apart from the whole sadistic revenge thing on you, Buff."

"How would Giles k..." Willow began, and then trailed off as the answer came to her. "Oh. Jenny."

"Jenny," Buffy confirmed. Something was tickling at the back of her mind, though, trying to grab her attention. Something about Jenny and something she'd said yesterday in that other Big Brother house...about job security, was that it? "We need to get through a portal," she stated. "If Angelus won't, or can't, open one for us, then we have to do it ourselves somehow."

Willow snorted. "Oh sure. I don't think one's going to drop...into...our...lap..."

The reason for this loss of concentration was not her usual ditziness, but the fact that, somewhere between _going _and _drop_, a tearing noise had resounded throughout the living area. Sudden wind whipped their hair. By the time Willow got to _into our_, they could see the portal for themselves, bursting into life through the open door of the Diary Room. And by the time she'd belatedly completed her sentence, Buffy was flat out sprinting for the entrance, with Kendra a half-pace behind her.

_You arrogant bastard_, Buffy thought, as her legs ate up the short distance between her and that gaping maw. _I'm coming for you. I'll make you pay for every soul you've taken, every life you've destroyed. And especially for that 'pencil-cave' remark._

The portal was already beginning to close. Buffy, seeing this, allowed her feet to press into the floor as she ran. Her body catapulted through the air in a full-length plunging dive, a guided Slayer-missile going straight for the heart of the crimson maelstrom agonisingly close before her. Buffy braced herself for the displacement of the dimensional shift, vowing to be alert and ready to take on whatever she found on the other side.

What she didn't brace herself for, however, was hitting a solid concrete wall.

The portal had gone.

Spike, however, had not.

"_Ooooooooooooooooooooofffffffffbollocks!_"

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (afternoon)**_

It wasn't until you'd experienced the feeling of needle-sharp shards of glass protruding from your arms and chest that you could really comment on it. Giles lolled in his chair slightly, aware he was losing blood and along with it a good portion of his sanity. Angelus had ripped this house's Diary Room chair from its standings and brought it to the centre of the living area, where he'd assembled (in disturbingly quick time) a makeshift torturing arrangement, into which Giles had been placed...how many hours ago? Or was it a day ago?

Giles let a small moan escape his lips. The vampire had left him alone for the past few minutes, long enough for the pain to assume some sort of rhythmical agony that he could deal with. It was likely Angelus would keep him alive for as long as he could, if only for the sheer joy of it. The only other alternative was that his patience would give way and he would snap Giles' neck in a backhanded gesture of mercy.

Or...Giles gagged...that he would get hungry again. He had watched, been forced to watch, as Angelus extracted his food from the dead body of Jenny. How beautiful she had been. He had never suspected, never dared hope, that the comforting voice that had so allured him over the past few days could be the property of a woman so lovely.

He wondered what she had looked like with a white neck.

"Giles?"

Big, leisurely tears rolled slowly down his face. He found the strength to be amazed that crying could hurt so. Never again would he hear that call of his name. He'd never know what it was like to have her touch, caress his face, kiss away these tears, smell her delicate skin as she held his head in her hands, her face contorted in love and grief.

He inhaled. Elderberries.

"Giles," she said again.

A drop of his blood, from one of his many cuts, dripped onto her finger. He watched it land there, and realised that figments of his fevered, desperate imagination wouldn't be able to do that.

"J-Jenny...?" he breathed, unable to contain his joy.

She smiled. "You found me."

"No," he shook his head, and promptly almost passed out from the shockwaves of pain this action sent rippling through his spine. "No...you were...you're dead, Jenny. I'm sorry."

"Big Brother," she smiled, "it brought me back. Against the rules for me to die. I don't understand it any more than you do, but it doesn't _matter. _We can be together, Giles. That's all I want."

Giles nodded limply, unable to express his happiness. His eyes bulged. "Angelus," he rasped, "he'll come back...you have to get to the control room."

Jenny's beautiful eyes widened in alarm. "I don't have those memories," she said. "They didn't come back, Giles. What must I do? Tell me."

Giles felt consciousness slipping away from him. He forced his mind to focus, wondering why the whole room was spinning so violently with the sole exception of Jenny's eyes, static and yet immeasurably chaotic. "Wait for...wait for the eviction protocol to begin," he croaked. "When it does, the panel's configuration will...change. The override is...bottom-left corner. Marked with an omega symbol."

Exhausted by this prolonged speech, he sagged forward against his bonds, the shards of glass cutting into him again. Giles lacked the energy to cry out as he wanted to. He felt his chin being lifted by Jenny's elegant, manicured black-nailed fingers until her mouth brushed his. Their lips locked in a long, passionate kiss.

"Um...?" Angelus coughed.

Drusilla broke the kiss, looking sheepish. Giles' head, still lolling, took in the new scene with the mask of Drusilla's hypnotic glare now absent. A strangled, heartbroken cry escaped his lips, before his head slumped forward onto his chest.

"You always _were_ a good kisser," Angelus smiled.

Dru giggled. "He tasted like figs."

"Taste him all you want," Angelus waved a hand airily. "Don't kill him just yet. We've got a few hours, I'd say, before this eviction thing begins. Plenty of time for fun before then."

As if unable to wait even a second longer, Dru allowed her features to morph into her vampiric countenance, her true face. She hissed in pleasure and bent her head to Giles neck.

She paused.

Angelus sighed. "What is it, Dru?"

She had the decency to look embarrassed. "It doesn't seem right without him," she said mournfully.

Angelus scowled darkly. "There's a reason I shut him out, you realise that? He's deadweight, Dru. You can't be a crippled vampire and be anything but. You can see him stalking his victims - _shit, could ya hold on while I climb onto this stairlift_?"

Drusilla wailed. It was always a disconcerting experience, seeing this terrifically powerful creature of the night flap her arms and throw a tantrum.

"All _right!_"

It was also extremely effective, as evidenced by the fact that moments later, an announcement rang out over the more populated Big Brother house: "_Spike, get your sorry British ass to the Diary Room. NOW._"

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (afternoon)**_

Though it pained him to admit it, progress had its merits. He suspected he'd always hold a candle (well, a lit flame at any rate) for the old torturing methods; the thumbscrew, now, there was a classic. Of course having a brief stay on the receiving end in the Tower of London had been an education. And if you had to pin him down, he'd always go for the "one man, four ropes, four fast horses" final punch.

But even old Torquemada himself (who, as he never tired of reminding himself with a smile, had been 100 human...if that word could be used) would have given someone's left leg for the capabilities at his fingertips now. Angelus regarded the control room and tried to stop himself from salivating; a whole house full of rats, and in his possession were the keys to the maze.

Unfortunately, the locks were proving tricky. Reams of buttons and controls, some of which he was certain did delightful things like 'drain oxygen' 'release killer bees' 'loop Sarah McLachlan', but all of them with inscriptions written in obscure code. Only Jenny could operate them, but some careless, incredibly handsome fool (he tutted rebukedly at himself) had gone and played her neck like a xylophone.

Well, alright, a broken one.

Still, there _was _one feature that, for whatever reason Big Brother had seen fit, was unambiguous in the extreme. Located directly under the monitor output for the Diary Room, it was huge and red and distinctly labelled in plain English with 'PORTAL'. It was downright insulting, and not a little bit suspicious. But what the hell? Big Brother, whatever it was, would get what was coming to it eventually.

Angelus watched as Spike rolled, deliberately slowly to his eyes, to the Diary Room entrance. Thankfully the broadcasting options were equally simple. He flicked the appropriate switch.

"_Gonna have to get you some oil for those wheels, bud_," he broadcast, knowing full well his words would carry to the whole house.

Spike flicked a finger in what he obviously hoped was the right direction to camera. Angelus scowled. He was right on the mark. Spike may have had the intellect of a stunned grapefruit since his second birth (and hell, if the poems were anything to go by, he was no Einstein before that), but his instincts had always been that tiny nuance better than Angelus' own. It was one of several reasons that Angelus would rather have left him with the humans...

"He's coming!" Drusilla cooed, appearing suddenly at his shoulder. Vampiric senses or no, Angelus had had not a single clue of her approach. He wondered sometimes at the extent of her powers.

She was another reason for the rivalry. And, like any woman in history, bloodsucking monster or not, she wanted Spike back in the fold because she adored flitting between the affections of her two admirers.

Not to put too fine a point on it, Angelus was hungry for more than blood...

_Yeah, he's coming. Let him come. Let him come here, where there's no miserable spell to protect him, the weak fool, and I'll crush him at the first excuse and_...he glanced at Drusilla, licking his lips slightly..._fully reacquaint myself with everything I've been missing this past century_.

There were tiny flickers of movement on the monitors below. Angelus, caught in the momentary flash of lust, never noticed a thing.

A _thrumm _of power vibrated through the control room. Angelus watched as the flare of the portal partially obscured his display of the Diary Room. No need for concern, though - the bedroom cams still showed dear old Buffy and the gang deep in discussion.

The vibration died away. Angelus threw the switch back to the off position. As he'd expected, the Diary Room was now empty.

"Loverboy's here," he grunted to Dru. She was already halfway out of the door to the control room. Angelus' scowl deepened. He caught sight of his reflection in the mirrored surface and forced his expression to relax back to a languid, cocky smile. Brooding was for the weakling.

Job done, his eyes focussed idly on the monitor screen before him.

"Well isn't that interesting," he said.

"Very," replied Buffy.

He turned, and there she was, standing in the doorway. "Champ!" he said warmly.

"Bitch," she returned cordially.

Angelus regarded the monitor screens again, more closely this time. "Oh no," he said, slapping his forehead, "don't _tell _me I fell for the old strategically-arranged-pillows trick."

Buffy took her right hand from behind her back. His eyes were drawn to the stake she held there, clutched so tightly.her fingers were white.

"Are we gonna fight," she said conversationally, "or are you just gonna talk? Because, believe me, I _know_ you're not great on delaying tactics."

He merely laughed. "Tell you what - to make up for last time, when I kill you, I promise not be thinking of anyone else."

"It doesn't work, Angel...Angelus...whatever you like to be called now," she told him calmly. "You're not him. He's dead already."

"Gonna send me to join him?" he mocked her, pacing slowly and deliberately toward her and the entranceway she blocked.

"Nope," she shook her head, still maddeningly calm. "Gonna send you to Hell."

The stake flashed, and battle was joined.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (afternoon)**_

"You want to _what?_"

Spike sighed. "Don't make me say it again, Slayer. One-time offer. Take it or leave it."

If Buffy's eyes had narrowed any more they'd have been in serious danger of imploding. "Oh, do _please _forgive me if I'm a little sceptical. William The Bloody, brutal mass murderer, wants to _help _a vampire slayer kill one of his oldest friends. Spike, even by your moronic standards this is lame."

"Fine," he snapped. "But I'm your only bloody hope of getting through that portal."

"We'll figure out a way w..." Buffy stopped, curious despite herself, "wait a minute - what makes you think _you're _likely to get one?"

Spike drew himself up as regally as he could. "Drusilla's gonna miss me and ask for one, isn't she."

Buffy absorbed this. "Right."

He scowled fiercely. "She may not be stable-"

"Stable? Spike, she makes _plutonium _seem rock-like."

"-she may not be," Spike continued, fighting to keep his rage down, "but I know her better than you think, you stupid bint. One hundred years together, you get to know someone. I'll be getting an invite. I'm willing to let you and your little nubian counterpart there-" he thumbed, indicating Kendra, currently standing guard over a chest of drawers, "-tag along for the ride. Won't be easy, but it will be possible."

"And once we're over, what? I dust Angel, what then?"

"We get our cardigans on and sing bloody koombay-yayas for all I care," Spike snapped. "Just leave Dru and I alone. We've not touched your precious Giles, or the other one..."

"Jenny," Buffy said hotly. "Her name was Jenny."

"Whatever." He fixed her with a disconcertingly calculating stare. Buffy wasn't accustomed to calm, collected Spike. She decided that she liked the old juggernaut-like approach better. This was plain unsettling.

"You hate him that much?" she asked.

"Yeah, because I'm sure you must find that _so _hard to believe."

Buffy glanced back at her friends, whose curious glances she and Spike had been attracting more and more during the entire length of their unlikely negotiation. Kendra watched the proceedings disapprovingly.

"I'll need a moment to discuss this with the others," she said, cautiously.

"_Spike,_" the announcement came through barely after her sentence was complete,"_get your sorry British ass to the Diary Room. NOW._"

Spike grinned at her in that unsettling way again. "Better make it a quick one, hadn't you?"

----

And so the Slayers, moving in the sort of synchronisation only a supernatural fellowship could bestow, had stolen across the living area in flashes of quick movement behind Spike's wheelchair. When the portal opened and the initial flare had subsided, they were already two blurs of motion.

_Honey, I'm home_, Buffy thought, as the displacement claimed her.

----

Spike shook his head, as all the church bells in the world rang a symphony between his ears. He'd been through a few portals in his time, and had never cared for the experience one bit.

The Slayer - _Buffy_, he amended, since there were two of them in attendance - was already driving for the main hallway, the throughfare to the control room.

She encountered Drusilla almost right away. The two women froze, standing toe-to-toe with each other, locked in mutual hatred. Drusilla's head swayed like a python's, her teeth bared.

"Go," Kendra said. "I will deal with this one."

Drusilla's eyes flicked to the other Slayer. In that instant Buffy was gone. Spike, knowing better, knew that Dru could still have caught her as she flashed past, but she had accepted the challenge offered to her.

Kendra drew her stake. Spike had no argument with the ancient superstitions of warriors naming their weapons to give them a purpose and a soul of their own. He doubted, however, if when the annals of such weapons were recorded that "Mr Pointy" would strike fear into the hearts of those who heard its tales.

The vampire and the Slayer clashed once, twice, each testing the other's fighting style. He saw the joy in Drusilla's face as she was able to strike out at long last without that pesky spell neutering her every blow. Dru lashed out, sending Kendra reeling. To give the girl credit, though, she proved her lineage once again by somehow regaining balance and pivoting on the balls of her feet, delivering a sharp kick to Dru's midriff.

_Kendra had promised, right along with Buffy, that Drusilla would be spared from attack. _

Dru swept the floor with her trailing leg. She had none of the finesse of her opponent when it came to kicks and punches, but over a century of fighting experience and the added benefit of an insanely devious mind. Kendra toppled, and Drusilla was on her in a flash, vamp face engaged and teeth baring down-

_Lies, of course. He'd expected nothing less._

Kendra twisted and turned her way to gain an inch of purchase on her assailant's arms. That inch, combined with a fearsome explosion of Slayer strength, was enough to deflect Drusilla's attack and roll her over completely onto her back. She hissed, enraged, and flailed out with her long nails, a seemingly desperate response but one that was also devastatingly accurate. Kendra cried out and clutched at her forehead, suddenly gashed and leaking blood. She retreated, wiping furiously at her left eye, trying to keep it free from blockage.

_Still. Made them more interesting, deception. Erased a little more of the angel and inked in the demon that one degree blacker. They were amateurs._

Dru advanced. Kendra backed off. Sensing the momentum was with her, the vampire struck, sending a feint to the right before moving in for a truly vicious sidehand to the left cheek.

_I'm really going to enjoy this._

The blow never landed.

Kendra's face trembled with effort, her hand pinning Drusilla's arm where she had anticipated and intercepted her attack. Mr Pointy rose, unchallenged, about to write the first chapter in its history.

She brought her arm down. Fully two inches.

"Sorry, pet," Spike apologised, standing tall behind her, his chair discarded and forgotten by the wayside.

Kendra's eyes widened. A scream of _Buffy _rose from her. It got no further.

Drusilla's fingers slashed across her throat. Kendra felt her voice croak oddly, her breath die. As her knees crumpled from beneath her, Spike released her hand, allowing her to clamp it, minus stake, to the torrent of wetness rushing down her neck. She died, quietly, collapsed at the feet of Spike and Drusilla.

"I got her, Spike! I got her!" Drusilla shrilled in ecstasy.

"You did, luv," Spike replied, and laid her out cold with one punch.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (evening) **_

"Isn't this healthy? Working out our relationship differences all out in the open like this? No bottling up...that just leads to uncomfortable confrontations-"  
Angel had to duck at that point to avoid a roundhouse punch from Buffy that likely would have torn his head from his shoulders. He slid backwards along the floor of the Control Room, grabbing the frame of the entranceway and pivoting around to finish at his feet in the hallway. This done, he made a small _ta-da_ movement with his hands.  
"I love arguing," he grinned.   
"Then you'll love this," Buffy replied, launching herself at her former lover. Expecting her to be more cautious, Angelus was caught off-guard as she ploughed into his chest feet first, propelling him backward into the opposing wall. He fell heavily, coughing and seeing stars as she leapt nimbly to her feet, stake clamped in her grasp. Her killing blow, however, was stopped by a lightning-fast interception. Their hands, locked together, shook with the battle of wills.  
Angelus laughed, his voice slightly strained with the effort. "You're stronger than this, Slayer. What's wrong? Just not ready to dust your boyfriend yet?"  
Her foot lashed out, but he was ready for it. He dodged the blow, and with her momentarily off-balance, was able to crush her fingers painfully until the stake clattered to the ground. Grasping her by the shoulders, he ran with her until she was sandwiched into the wall. His body pressed against hers, just like it used to, and it was   
He was aroused. She could feel it. He saw the realisation in her eyes.  
"The thought of killing you," he hissed into her ear, even as he attempted to crush her further, "does more for me than making love to you ever did."  
Someone struck a match inside Buffy's mind. Her vision narrowed, until all she saw was his leering face, all she heard were his mocking words. Everything was crystal-clear to her, all of her complex Slayer training, every nuance of the highly-attuned combat reflexes she'd developed.  
She used precisely none of them, and brought her knee _up_.   
"_Gnnnnoooooough_," Angelus wheezed. At another time, in another universe, Buffy might have found his expression comical. Not here and not now. His grip relaxed as she'd known it would and she used the respite to free herself from his weight. He rocked on his heels. "Can't _believe_ I fell for that one again..."  
She kicked him through the wall.  
"Believe it," she said.  
Stepping through the Angelus-shaped hole she'd just made, she gasped. The question of where Giles was being held had just been answered. He sat, neither bound nor gagged. There was no need. Giles was obviously out of it, his head resting nervelessly on his chest, random words escaping his lips. Blood trickled from several wounds across his exposed chest and shoulders.  
Angelus' fist smashed into her mouth, his attack coming from the side while she'd been taking in the sight of Giles. Buffy tasted blood and floor, sent sprawling by the power behind the punch. Above her, Angelus smiled grimly and paused for a fraction of a second to readjust himself. One more injury to those parts and he was going to be as much of a eunuch as the weakling.  
She swept his feet from under him as he approached. Before he'd done crashing to the ground, she was already upon him, straddling his chest and slamming down with her fists, over and over and over. Tears threatened to blind her. She suppressed them, settling instead for hurling down abuse, obscenities on the monster beneath her.

Angelus simply sat up, grabbing her fists in his own. He kissed her full on the lips and felt her strength falter.  
_Idiot_, he thought, and smashed his forehead into her face.  
----  
Spike laid Drusilla down gently. Another Slayer down; that made two direct kills and an assist. He was probably the greatest Slayer-killer of all time. Surprisingly, at the moment the achievement meant nothing to him. The idiots had thought him crippled by that silly accident. Sure enough, it had bloody hurt at the time, but Spike had no more needed a wheelchair than he had braces.  
And while everyone plotted and obsessed about their miserable little lives and problems, everyone seemed to forget about poor old Spike, wasn't he comical looking now making his little chicken wings?  
He didn't care anymore. Sure, if he could have figured out how to bring down the Sanctuary spell on the other house, he'd be over there in half a second to wring every one of their scrawny American pop-cultured necks. That wasn't likely though, and frankly, if killing them would save them from a further five weeks in this madness, he'd be doing them a bloody favour.  
Down the hallway, the Buffy and Angelus show raged. Spike winced as the Slayer delivered the old knee-trembler, beloved by women across the globe whether they were the Chosen One or not.  
Spike sighed. He'd killed two Slayers and allowed another one to die, and it had all been fun. Which just made all of this, all he was about to do, all the harder.  
----  
Angelus face was covered in blood. Not all of it was his. He covered a finger in it and sucked it dry anyway, savouring the taste as he approached the recumbent figure of Buffy, doubled over in pain and trying vainly to clear her head.  
So this was how it was going to end. She would die on her back, her pretty little face a matted mess of tears and blood, her Watcher a gibbering psychological wreck only yards away. _Not bad for two days work_, he thought, placing a foot on her stomach and preparing to strike. _All I need now is a final line. 'Consider this a divorce'? 'Give my regards to Jenny'? _  
"No wonder she's out of it. Hit by _that_ forehead? I'm only surprised she's not already dead."  
Angelus blinked in surprise, thrown off-balance a little. "Spike?"   
"I know," Spike nodded in acceptance, wheeling himself forward into the room from its main entrance, "you'd forgotten about me."  
"I'm kinda busy here," Angelus countered impatiently. "But I promise, I'll be with you in a minute."  
"Yeah," Spike replied softly, "I bet you will."  
Beneath Angelus' foot, Buffy began to stir. Seeing this, and figuring that in a few seconds he was going to have to deal with one extremely pissed-off Slayer, Angelus decided he would have to skip last-word niceities and just kill the bitch. _Ah well. Goodbye, Buffy..._he thought, curling his fist into a ball and bringing it down into her chest, feeling her skin part, hearing her bones crack, watching as blood fountained from her and laughing as she gave her final, agonised convulsions before the life left her and she lay still and spent beneath him, just as she'd done the night she had set him free.   
Well...that was the plan.  
What actually happened was this. Angelus' fist descended, and was caught mid-blow. Not just by Spike's hand, Spike the cripple, Spike the wheelchair-bound, Spike the _vampire_, but by the rising hand of the Slayer herself, her eyes bloodshot and wide and as terrifying a sight of pure rage as he had ever seen.  
All three of them remained locked in place for that one heartbeat, that one moment. Just long enough for the fourth person to strike Angelus so hard that he flew across the room, his head crashing against the wall, his unconscious body sliding down after it a moment later.   
"_Bastard_," hissed Giles, and collapsed.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (Evening)**_

The remaining housemates Willow, Oz, Cordelia and Xander were all gathered in the Girls Bedroom trying in vain to think of something that would help their friends in the alternate Big Brother House. They had never felt so helpless and all their ideas were being thrown back into the metaphorical water. As the portal could only be activated, (as far as they knew), by Big Brother or from the other house they were unable to back Buffy, Kendra and Giles up physically. Also despite Spikes surprise defection to the side of the good guys none of them could bring themselves to trust him and were worried about what he would do once the presence of the Sanctuary Spell was no longer in effect.  
Willow, unable to sit still any longer, got up of the bed she had been sitting on with Oz and started to pace the room. "There's got to be something we can do... we could try the Diary Room, I mean.. well I'm good with computers and stuff, I could be... y'know Hacker Girl and try to override the system or something..." Her voice trailed off as she mentally assessed her plan finding several flaws.  
"Right Willow and that would get us _all_ nice and dead too wouldn't it, lets all go and play with the most notorious, evil vampires in recent history." Cordelia snapped exasperated and as per usual not really caring who knew it. "For the love of Dolce & Gabbana, Buffy and Kendra are Slayers... The Chosen Ones an' all, super strength and skill - Hello! If they can't take care of Huey, Dewy and Louie between them what chance would we have." She was sitting on the other bed, close to Xander but not actually touching him, after all it was bad enough that everyone had found out about their... well what amounted to teen lust and deviancy in the closets and secluded areas of the Big Brother house without drawing any extra attention to it.  
Willow, still pacing up and down between the girls beds, racked her brains trying to think of something, _anything_ that would help her friend. She knew that Buffy had had to make some terrible decision regarding Angel, (or Angelus she amended her thoughts as she was reminded of his new, well renewed 'evil' status). She was stopped in her tracks when her foot collided with something that had fallen between the beds, bending over she saw a small package with a note attached to it. Her curiosity was peaked when she saw what was written there, simply _"From Jenny - If all else fails." __  
_ "What the...?" she said softly picking up the package from its hiding place on the floor and looking over at her friends who were still discussing possible ideas amongst themselves. "Ummmmm you guys, has anyone got any idea what this is?" She waved the small parcel at the assembled housemates only to find them as mystified as she herself was.  
"Gimme a look Will, hey maybe Big Brother really is watching over us." Xander asked taking it off her, his expression changing as he read the note attached to the front, pursing his lips he gave a small whistle. "From Jenny... do you think she knew...?" He quickly started to take of the wrapping, figuring any help at this stage was welcome. The contents of the package were soon exposed to the group, they comprised of a notebook filled with a neat and feminine handwriting, (Jennys they assumed), some bags containing herbs and a small crystal ball, ("An Orb of Thessula," Willow surmised with the notebooks help) .   
Reading through the contents of the notebook Willow started to grow steadily more exited. "Oh my god, its a way for us to get Angel back... I mean his - Angels soul back." She looked over at Xander who was watching her with a bemused expression. "Xander... we could... Buffy wouldn't have to.. we can get Angel to be the way he was - _before_." Her excitement reached an almost fever pitch as she realised what it would mean for Buffy if they could return Angel to her the way he used to be. "Xander, we need to try this, _for Buffy_."  
Xander was confused. He'd seen Buffy and the way she'd been in the Diary Room I mean hadn't it almost broken his heart when he'd found her sitting there, staring into nothing and looking almost, he tried to find the right words to descibe how she's appeared to him as she'd realised everything that had happened - Jenny, Giles. Broken he thought to himself, thats it, she was broken and maybe if there's something we can do we should give it a try. Still balancing that against his hatred of Angelus, (and in turn Angel, cause hey why should he get away scott free? If it hadn't been for his dark brooding looks and manly sensitive side Xander himself would have surely been in the frame for some Buff Love), he was still unconvinced.  
Meanwhile Cordelia and Oz had busied themselves checking out the contents of the surprise package, Cordelia had picked up the small Crystal ball and was surprised how heavy it was, she was even more surprised when two seconds later it slipped from her perfectly manicured grasp and shattered on the wood flooring of the Girls Bedroom.

"Who'd have thought the little sucker would have been so darn slippery." She muttered as she stared shamefacedly at the now useless and multi pieced crystal orb and the other three stared in horror. "Maybe we could use some glue.. or something?"

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (eviction imminent)**_

Spike backed away from Buffy. She took a step back herself, and they regarded one another over the fallen bodies of Angelus and Giles. Soft cries were escaping the lips of the librarian; he could have been still conscious, but Spike doubted it. That punch, that one act of revenge, had taken the strength from him and would continue to do so for quite a while yet. Angelus, for his part, would be out for a much shorter length of time, but out he nonetheless was.

That left him with the Slayer.

"Feeling better?" she broke the silence first, her eyes falling momentarily on the wheelchair.

"Much."

"Where are Kendra and Drusilla?"

_Ouch. _This was going to require some creative lying. "Dru killed her."

"Then she dies."

"Not bloody likely."

"Was _really _hoping you were gonna say that."

Spike held up his hands even as he saw Buffy's posture tense, the preliminary stage to a flying Slayer kick that would initiate the battle proper. "Wait," he implored her, "it doesn't have to go like this."

"You don't want it to?"

She saw something in his eyes flash. "You know the answer to that," Spike replied softly. "And one day, Slayer, believe you me, it'll go _exactly _like this."

"But not today?" Buffy said sceptically, circling him, the intent to strike still paramount in her stance.

"Drusilla's out. Just like mascara boy here. Did it myself because I knew she wouldn't understand what needed to be done."

That intent-o-meter went up another few notches. "Kendra _needed _to die?" Buffy said slowly, her face dangerously expressionless.

"She's a sodding _Slayer _you stupid bitch," Spike retorted, "she fought, she lost, it's how it goes. I've played this game long enough to know the rules and you should, too. But _him_-" and before Buffy could stop him, he'd delivered a sharp kick to Angelus' ribs, "-he's different, and you know it. He's the one you want."

"Yes he is - and I've got him."

"Thanks to me," Spike pointed out.

"Kendra dead wasn't part of the agreement."

"Neither was her attacking Drusilla."

"If I see her, I'll kill her," Buffy promised him.

"You won't have to. We're leaving."

"How do y-"

"_Housemates, this is Big Brother._"

Spike smiled, trying to hide his immense relief. "Right on time."

The voice was not Jenny's. It was the other, the inscrutable voice that had only occasionally spoken, unidentifiable and nondescript. Jenny's voice had sounded from hidden speakers. This one seemed to come from everywhere. Buffy felt the dawning realisation that what she was hearing now was the voice of the _real _Big Brother, the entity itself.

"_The eviction process has begun. Please assemble in the living area._"

"Wait!" Buffy said desperately as the voice faded. "You can't just say the process has begun! People have died! Don't you even _care?_"

There was no reply.

"It's an automated message," Buffy said, thinking out loud.

"It doesn't matter," Spike said impatiently. "You know who's for the chop - Dru or me, right? Well when the time comes I'll take her and we'll jump through the portal together. Leave all of you little bunnies here to sing songs and roast marshmallows and piss about."

"Spike, give me one reason, just _one_ solitary reason, why I shouldn't just kick your ass, dust you and your truly spectacularly insane girlfriend and make the world a much better place?"

"Because if you let us go...I'll do it for you."

Her mouth made to form _do what_, but she knew what he was talking about, damn him. She burned hot with shame, of all things, but her pride forced her to deny the truth. "I don't need you to do it."

"So go ahead," Spike said, gesturing to Angelus. "There's a stake in the hallway."

"I'm not turning my back on you for one-"

"Then _here_," he said, and threw her something. She caught it instinctively and, upon recognising it, swore to herself that Spike would indeed pay the ultimate price for each and every one of his sins.

It was Mr Pointy.

"Hate me all you want," Spike said, smiling again, "but you know you can't do it for yourself. Oh, don't look at me like that - it's not like I'm judging. I saw the way you two looked at each other before the...before you and he...before the happy event. Love's a disease, eh? And you're still infected with it, Slayer, no use pretending otherwise. Who's here to know? Bookboy there - nice right hook on him by the way - is out cold, ditto your darling here. Just me and you. Throw me that thing back, one quick look the other way..._poof_. Heh. _Poof _is right, but that's beside the point. So what do you say, Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

He was right. Everything he said was right, one hundred percent. For all he had done and said, and despite her coolness earlier when she'd faced him down, despite the truly appalling state he'd reduced Giles to, she knew she couldn't bring that stake crunching down through Angel - through _Angelus' - _heart. Not without losing a part of her she wasn't prepared to lose.

Through all of her agonising, Spike stood there, absorbing her misery and loving every second of it, knowing full well that he was the Devil she was about to deal with.

"Do it," she said, and tossed him Mr Pointy.

It never got there.

"_Finally_," Angelus said, his hand coming up at the perfect moment to snatch the stake from mid-air, followed a second later by the rest of him as he sprang to his feet with terrifying speed. "I was getting seriously _bored_."

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (eviction imminent)**_

Things happened very quickly. Spike had heard endless stories of how everything was supposed to slow down when your neck was on the line. Bollocks. It was all a blur, a chaotic blur, and the only thing that had kept him alive - well, "alive" - this long had been the advantages offered by his enhanced vampiric reflexes and strength.

Not that he needed any of those now.

Angelus crushed the stake into a million pieces with his fist, his face a paroxysm of rage. He launched himself at Buffy. Still stunned at seeing him mobile, she was catapulted backwards through the already damaged connecting wall. They landed in a heap, instantly struggling for supremacy. Buffy looked badly shaken, however, and it was Angelus who had the upper hand, as he struck at her relentlessly.

Spike felt a very slight tugging behind him. Glancing in that direction, he saw to his surprise that the connecting Diary Room portal had opened again.

He glanced back at the battle royale raging.

"She's going to die," he said aloud. He considered this for a moment, even as Angelus discovered the other stake in the hallway. It suffered the same fate as the previous one.

"Mnheh," he shrugged, and walked toward the portal, stopping only to pick Drusilla up on the way. Moments later, they were gone.

----

"Oops," Angelus lamented, as the second stake bit the dust beneath his grasp. "These things are _so _fragile, aren't they?"

Buffy tried to land a kick to his midriff. He parried her effortlessly, grabbing her foot and throwing her so she spun painfully into the frame of the control room's entrance.

"You know what I found interesting?" Angelus went on, even as he landed a series of lightning-fast blows to her back and shoulders, sending agonising jabs down her entire body. "That touching confession that you just weren't ready to stake me yet."

He sent her sprawling with a savage blow to the head.

"I love you too," he said.

Buffy lay prone across the main bank of controls. She'd heard endless stories of how your life was supposed to flash before your eyes now. At the end.

For she was going to die, just as she'd done seven days ago at the hands of the Master, except this time there would be no coming back from the beyond, no warm breath from Xander spilling into her lungs and forcing her heart to beat. She would not look up at Xander and look past him in the same movement, her eyes seeking out the panicked face of Angel.

He'd held her then, a week ago. _I thought I'd lost you_, _Buffy. _

_That's never gonna happen, _she had replied.

Angelus was saying something. No doubt a fitting farewell remark, his last gesture before the killing blow he was even now setting in motion impacted upon her, ending her brief but eventful career as Slayer.

And still she saw Angel, the real Angel, as he had been.

_Then don't let it happen_, he told her. He smiled, and there was none of the malice, none of the _joie de mort _that his demonic doppelganger exuded. It was just a smile, warm and sincere and good.

Buffy _moved._

Angelus never knew what hit him.

She had been there, right there, lying helpless and beaten, ready for the kill. Just as the full stop on their little paragraph was about to be inked, she had rewritten the rules, twisting and turning. His arm, grabbed. He was hurled forward, feet suddenly at his stomach, accelerating his none-too-graceful parabola right into the control panel. He tasted his own blood. Consciousness swam before him, was lost for an instant, and then blearily returned.

Immediately, he wished it hadn't. Buffy was on a mission. Angelus was flung in the opposite direction before he could blink. There was no style or finesse to Buffy's attacks, just sheer bloody-minded purpose.

Seconds later, he was on his ass, his back against a panel. If there was a part of his body that didn't ache, he had yet to feel it. Still Buffy approached him, no stake to hand but clearly willing - and, he realised, fully capable - of pulling off his head with her bare hands.

He got to his feet, in what seemed a last gesture of defiance. It was not.

_"Wait for...wait for the eviction protocol to begin," _Giles had croaked, as Drusilla stood over him, her hypnotism making him delirious_. "When it does, the panel's configuration will...change. The override is...bottom-left corner. Marked with an omega symbol."_

"You know when I said I wasn't ready?" Buffy asked him. She shrugged slightly. "I guess I got over that."

"Not quickly enough," Angelus replied, and pressed the omega button.

"_Emergency confirmed. Failsafe system activated._"

Deep in his fevered sleep, Giles heard those words, and he smiled. Drusilla's little suggestion had fooled him to begin with, but he'd come to his senses in time to see through the deception. Accordingly, he'd told Angelus how to alert Big Brother that someone was breaking the rules.

"What the f-" Angelus said, and vanished.

Buffy blinked. "Well, that was-" she began, before disappearing herself.

----

"_Welcome_."

"Oh, not _this _place again," Spike complained, finding himself surrounded by the same void that had claimed him before his transportation to the house.

"_Sorry it's not more scenic for you, Spike. How is everyone else doing?_"

For the first time, Spike noticed that, indeed, he was not alone. Floating right beside him...or was it a mile distant...no, now they were on the horizon... (he closed his eyes at this point and forced his brain to stop trying to comprehend the void)...were Drusilla, Buffy, and Angelus. Dru was _still _unconscious.

"This isn't an automated message?" Buffy said, her voice echoing into the eternity around them.

"_Press 1 if you want to live,_" the voice replied, sounding amused. "_Angelus, stop struggling. You look ridiculous. Are you angry that Giles double-crossed you?_"

Angelus stopped struggling, but said nothing.

"_Suit yourself. Slayer_," Buffy found herself addressed suddenly, "_congratulations on your handling of the situation. As your Big Brother treat, you alone shall choose the fate of your companions here._"

As he said the words, two portals opened. One was the mirror opposite of the entrance portal; a concave tunnel from nothingness into nothingness, ordered and sedate. The other she recognised only too well - the red, angry iris leading directly to Hell. Even in this place she could feel it tugging at her, inching her closer to its entrance.

"_Drusilla, you might be interested to know you won the eviction. You are the weakest housemate. Goodbye._"

"No!" Spike cried, but it was too late. Dru's suspended body was jerked into the entrance to the smaller, black portal. Just as she crossed the threshold consciousness returned to her. Her scream of confusion and displacement rang out in the void as she was swallowed.

"_Relax, Spike. She's gone back to what you might call 'reality', although I think she might have rather liked Hell. Now, Slayer - your choice. They've both misbehaved, so it's one for each portal. One to Earth, and one to Hell. What's it to be?_"

She felt their eyes upon her. "I can't do this."

"_You can. Just so you know, it's taking a lot of power to run this. The sort of power that's usually better employed...oh, say, pumping oxygen into houses, that sort of thing._"

Her friends. She could see them staggering, choking, clutching at their throats, gasping for air. Willow would think of her as she died, and wonder what happened to her.

She turned to face Angelus. "Go to Hell," she said.

It was Spike who moved first, though, not Angelus. He locked eyes with her for an instant before the smaller portal claimed him, and his eyes renewed his earlier promise that this would be settled properly one day.

Only the portal to Hell remained.

"_I can't wait to see the ratings for this._"

Buffy found she could move, after a fashion, as if there were an invisible platform under her feet. Clearly Angelus experienced the same phenomenon. She realised that they had only been around five feet apart the whole time.

"See you soon," Angelus promised.

"You always have to get the last word, don't you?"

What his reply would have been remained a mystery. At that moment, he staggered forward. Fearing some sort of attack, even now, even here, she stepped backward. He was trembling all over, his arms shaking. It wasn't the portal causing this - that was still glowing fiercely in the background.

"_Aaannnnn_," he moaned, sinking to his knees and turning his face to the heavens. There was a glowing light in his eyes.

"What's going on?" Buffy demanded.

A few seconds later, she knew.

_**Buffy Big Brother - Week 2 - Day 7 (Becoming...)**_

So this was being a Slayer. I'd watched people die, had been forced to fight to the death the only man I'd ever loved, and now I was stuck in limbo dealing with the devil.

I wanted out. I knew that now. One girl in all the world...well, they'd chosen the wrong one. Surely it had happened before? Surely some luckless adolescent had tasted blood on her lips, looked up and took in the sight of a creature from hell determined to make her their next meal and thought _hey, I wonder if McDonalds are hiring?_

Before I could get out, or at least start working on it, there was one last thing I had to do. I had to watch Angelus be swallowed by that portal. I needed to see him vanish there. More than that, though, I actually _wanted _to see it. It was payback. He'd killed Jenny, caused Kendra's death, and tortured Giles to within an inch of his life and his sanity.

And then, right then when I thought it was finally over, he pulled the most hurtful trick of them all.

"Buffy?" he said softly, weakly, still on his knees before me. The last vestiges of that white light spilled from his eyes like pearled tears. His gaze, formerly piercing, was now fixed on me and not _through _me.

I didn't believe it at first, of course.

"Nice try."

"Wh...where am I...where are we?" he gasped. "Last thing I remember was you...it was your birthday. The garden..."

How could I believe him? How could I? I'd stood there and watched as he'd gleefully screwed my life, my friends, my whole existence, and he'd done it with a smile in his unbeating heart. I'd given him everything I had and he'd _known _that, used it against me. This was the latest desperate gambit, a final appeal to the humanity in me that he himself had erased.

"I love you," he said.

I was in his arms by the time he said _I. _It was true. I had no time for logical thought, or to consider how likely it was that this was another deception, but those thoughts would have been needless anyway. It _was _Angel I was holding, Angel who was holding me. It was Angel who kissed me, not the horrible, viciously cold kiss I had gotten from the other, but the kiss I remembered from that night in the garden; perfect, mutual, tender. A kiss with soul.

I was crying, badly. So was he, his tears wetting my face. Confusion reigned within him. I could see the knowledge reflected in his eyes though, the realisation that he had done something, been somewhere. Twice, three times he tried to speak, and each time I shushed him with another kiss. No need for apologies. Not now. I felt my strength return, and I didn't mean the ability to twirl people over my head and smash them into things. My _real _strength.

When the first tugs came, I dismissed them as my imagination. I held Angel tighter to me, refusing to allow him to budge an inch, imaginary or not. I tried to tell him how much I loved him, how much I'd missed him and needed him. He wouldn't let me. Shushed me with a kiss each time, which was better than anything I could have-

He was jerked backward, out of my arms. This wasn't my mind playing games.

"Buffy?" he said, fear in his eyes. Behind him, the portal boiled and screamed and reached out for him, its tendrils beginning to encircle his waist, a giant eye about to blink and make him vanish.

"_No!_" I screamed, and tried to run on nothingness. Absurdly, I succeeded. He was in my arms again. I could feel the pull of the portal behind him, and this time it was my Slayer strength I called on, every flashy nuance of it, straining to keep him with me.

Unreality paused.

_You made your choice, Slayer._

_I didn't know! Don't take him from me, God, please don't take him from me... _

_Either he goes...or your friends do. _

_Then I'm going with him. _

_Sorry, Slayer. Even I have superiors, you know. And that would be strictly against rules._

_Don't do this. Don't make me say goodbye to him._

_At least this time, you're getting the chance to say it. Besides, it's more like au revoir..._

Someone hit the play button. Angel hung there, shaking in my last desperate grasp, still not knowing what it was that was taking him away from me, unaware that it had been my decision to send him there.

"It's my fault," I told him, screaming the confession into the void. I'd given him everything once. I wanted to do so again, even if it meant he went to Hell hating me.

"I love you," he replied, and was gone.

Just...gone.

The nothingess around me seemed to spread, not just around me but inside me. I don't know how long I was there, hanging in emptiness. Just that it wasn't long enough. He'd gone there loving me. I wished I could hate him for that, but I couldn't. Of all the things Angelus had done, none had made me feel as worthless as this.

_Do you want to go home, Slayer?_

A portal, one of the small black variety, opened in front of me.

_Back to Sunnydale. You'll arrive at the moment you left. I can even wipe your memory of this place, if you like._

"What about my friends?"

_They're still in the game. Thanks to you. _

"Send us home. Send us all home. None of us want to play, don't you get that? This _game_ is over."

_It's not over yet, Slayer. Not even dawn. But for some of you...well, consider this your official time-out._

Before I could ask what the hell Mr Disembodied Voice meant by that, the void disappeared. Or I did. I was getting used to this by now though, so the dematerialisation didn't throw me.

Appearing in the middle of a freeway, with a huge rig bearing directly at me - now, _that _threw me. My last thought, as I threw myself to one side, the smell of oil filling my nostrils and the sound of sixteen huge tyres screeching through my mind, was _home, sweet home..._


End file.
